


A Step in My Direction

by AuthorInDistress



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Bucky Barnes, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Laura is clint's sister, M/M, Mpreg, Omega Tony, Omega Tony Stark, Post Civil War tensions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-13 15:53:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 30,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14751842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuthorInDistress/pseuds/AuthorInDistress
Summary: The funny thing is, in the end, the appointments were Tony’s idea.





	1. Chapter 1

.

The funny thing is, in the end, the appointments were Tony’s idea.

He’d long stopped thinking that he had any say in who lived in the Compound now, especially after Wanda had been given a room in spite of his insistence that she should be examined by Helen first before being given the all-clear for field work.

And now, after everything that had happened, and after he’d worked his butt off to get the pardons ratified, Rogers had brought Barnes into the Compound in a cryo-pod, without his permission.

And all Tony had been able to think was _’how dare you’._ He hadn’t said anything however, and had instead set up checks where Barnes could be assessed and monitored to ensure that he could recover from Wakanda’s installation of a new arm.

The Soldier was still a problem however, and mind control wasn’t something that Tony had ever really dabbled in. Rogers had told the government that Tony’s new brain-fixated program would be perfect though, which left him with a problem that no one but T'Challa's little sister had been able to help him with.

B.A.R.F didn't work to battle against mind control per say but Shuri had made a similar programme in her own time; one that targeted the cerebrum and could work alongside his own.

It wouldn’t be perfect, Barnes’ mind was fried from the electroshocks, and the serum had never really fully repaired anything before he’d been frozen again, but it would be hopefully something and the appointments would help.

So five months after their 'civil war', there he’d been, in the Compound’s hold, and Tony had been staring down at the unconscious body of his parents' murderer.

He’d thought at least five times that he could just walk forward and press a few buttons, and then Barnes would be dead and the Soldier would be gone, but his legs hadn’t seemed to want to move and before he’d known it, the others had filed in to see what would be happening.

Rogers had applied to the government to have Barnes legally reside here but apparently something had been lost in the communication and as liaison to the Accords, it had meant that Tony had had to deal with it.

In the end, he’d had no say in Barnes being put here, but he now had a _lot_ of say in how he was treated; medically and emotionally. Rogers had had a fit of complaining about that but when Tony had been nothing but professional and had even set up one-to-one meetings, of which Barnes never complained about himself, he’d left it and had began trying to talk to Tony like they’d used to before all of this.

He’d realize soon that that was a lost cause. They were never going to be there again.

Each appointment varied in length but they were only between Tony and Barnes, and everything was in strict confidence. He wasn’t his therapist, but he allowed Barnes to vent sometimes, and when they’d gotten used to each other, he vented himself a little too.

He still remained 100% professional, sometimes aloof, but his brain wouldn’t let him hold a grudge against a technically innocent man and he’d started to relax a little. The appointments with Barnes had started with a faint sense of dread but were now more relaxing than anything else he was doing nowadays, and he preferred them to all of the other meetings that he had to attend.

Barnes was witty, funny, and had a charm to him that Tony actually quite liked, and if he could ignore the Soldier and the War he’d say that they actually got along quite well and could even be friends maybe. It was just his heart that had problems differentiating between Barnes and the Soldier still, but he was determined to push that aside.

.

The Compound was usually quiet on a Thursday morning – Clint and Natasha had mission briefs for the week, Rogers trained with Wanda and Sam, and Rhodey had his third physio check up – which made it the perfect morning to book appointments on.

Tony keyed himself into the hold, letting the door lock behind him and dialing in his code for the room. Barnes had two weeks out of cryo following this appointment but he’d been released in the morning already by Friday and was waiting in a cell to be let out.

“Good morning,” Tony greeted him, as he’d done for the past 17 weeks that he’d been doing this. Barnes looked up from the book that he’d been reading, giving him a smile, “How you doing?”

”Good.” Barnes said, before admitting, "Bit sore before, but nothing a little working out didn’t fix.” He put the book down then, following Tony out into the interview room. It had a few more comfortable chairs in there and Tony hated having an backache, “How are _you?”_

“Fine,” Tony told him, taking a seat opposite and putting his tablet down to record, “Any pain?” He then checked and Barnes shook his head, making him sigh, “Come on, Barnes. I thought we were past this.”

Barnes grinned briefly, “I’m telling the truth this time,” He countered, “No pain. No headaches.”

Tony paused, pleased, “That’s – good. Good.” He met Barnes’ gaze then, for the first time since seeing him today, and returned his smile. Despite everything that had happened, and despite still feeling the need to fight-or-flight whenever Barnes moved too quickly, he felt a lot more comfortable around him than he did with Rogers these days.

The only thing that did still piss him off however was that whenever Barnes had free days out of cryo, he would follow Tony around with these sad eyes, as though Tony not sitting with the rest of them was out of avoidance and not because he was busy.

He also couldn’t stand the amount of guilty looks he received from Sam and Natasha combined as well, because being guilty was all well and good but he had yet to actually get a proper apology and that was what he really wanted. From them anyway; from Barnes he didn’t really know.

He wanted his mother back if he was honest, but after having these appointments, he knew it wasn’t Barnes but the soldier that was the killer and that left him without someone to really blame.

Unless he wanted to blame all of Hydra and continuously punch a poster of Strucker for it, which didn’t do much to soothe the burning in his chest whenever he thought about her death.

“I guess we can get into the physical then,” he said and Barnes immediately rolled up a sleeve for blood draw. Whilst he worked, he felt Barnes’ gaze on him and let him watch, content to finish it all in silence, “Little pinch,” He warned for the needle and Barnes scoffed.

“Hardly.”

“Yeah, well. Just don’t punch me if it hurts,” Tony quipped, pushing the needle in and clipping a tube into it’s back. He took 4 samples, as per usual, “Flex for me.”

“Shirtless?” Barnes asked and Tony glared, tapping his arm until Barnes did as told and flexed his fist to push the blood out a little easier.

“I _will_ need to check your weight today though,” He did say afterward, sliding the needle out and putting a swab over the mark that he’d made, “You’ve got 2 weeks free from cryo after this so I’ll weigh you again when you’re done.”

“I thought that was next week.” Barnes said and Tony rolled his eyes.

“You’re a real comedian today, aren’t you,” He said, standing to get the scales out, “Strip for me, please." Barnes shucked off his shirt without a comment this time and when Tony returned, he was looking at him with guilty eyes again. Probably thinking he’d upset him by being ‘inappropriate’.

He stood on the scales and Tony noted down the weight, letting him redress before they left the room to head for the lab to do some scans on his brain.

“You want music today?” Tony asked and Barnes immediately brightened over the conversation starter.

“What if I miss your voice?”

“You’ll live,” Tony told him, holding the door open to let them both through before keying himself into the lab. Barnes lay on the machine that Shuri had designed without being asked, “So. Music?”

“No, it’s okay,” He straightened out and Tony connected him to the monitor, his hands brushing over Barnes’ forehead, arms and chest, “We can talk.”

Tony hummed, giving him a look, and turning to the screen, “About what? Your social life?”

Barnes didn’t even get to retort before Tony was activating the machine and he was sliding down into the chamber. His picture then came up on the screen and Tony could see him staring up at the camera, looking both amused and put off.

“You need a shave,” Tony let him know, before turning to the scans.

“I need a _razor_ ,” Barnes countered, his voice echoing through the camera, and Tony winced. Evidently Rogers was still being a little protective/controlling, “How am I looking?”

“You know I don’t know yet.”

“Yeah but you can say good or bad.”

“Good.” Tony turned a scan to the side, biting his lip, “And … meh.”

“Sounds promising.”

Tony smiled, “We’ll see.”

“So I’m free after this?” Barnes checked then, shifting in the chamber before visibly stopping himself when he remembered that he shouldn’t move around too much.

“For 2 weeks yes.”

“Let’s go get a baguette.”

Tony blinked, startled, “A what?”

“A baguette, you know. From a bakery?” Barnes looked sheepish now, “There’s one near Mulberry Street, you been?”

“Ah, no,” Tony tried to re-focus on the scans, “I’ve never actually been to a bakery before.”

“What?” Barnes sounded more interested than disappointed, which was surprising, “Never?”

“I’ve been to a few donut places once or twice but never an old-school bakery, no.”

“Well come with me afterward then,” Barnes said, “We’ll get a french baguette each and I’ll show you why it’s - ”

“A french baguette?” Tony frowned, amused, “What, as in traditionally french?”

Barnes made a face, “Yeah, I guess.”

“You can’t eat a traditional french baguette on your own,” Tony said “Well I can’t anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Because they’re - you know. Big, _long_ … things.” He regretted his choice of words immediately but Barnes didn’t comment at all and just looked confused, which led to Tony asking, “Do you mean _bagels?”_

Barnes paused, “... I mean bagels.” He admitted and for the first time in what felt like years, Tony laughed, “So ... would you like to go? And get some bagels?”

“I’m sure Rogers will love to go with you, if you want to show him,” Tony bounced the question off, letting the chamber slide back out and watching as Barnes sat back up, popping off the suction pads himself.

"He's seen it," Barnes said lightly, and Tony paused. Oh. _Oh._ "I'd like to go with you. To show _you_  ... it."

Tony gave him a tense smile, lifting his tablet and ending the session bluntly with his body language, "I don't think that'd be a good idea," He said as politely as he could, leaving it to Friday to show Barnes out as he headed upstairs before him for once, “See you in two weeks.”

He was upstairs faster than he thought he would have been and he knew he probably owed that to Friday for speeding the elevator a little.

He felt like he should be angry over Barnes’ admission but he didn’t. He’d been speaking to him for 17 weeks now, sometimes 2-3 hour sessions, so overall that had been around 3000 hours spent together, and he’d felt himself become closer and more understanding.

He felt as though he could see the genuine difference between Bucky Barnes and the Winter Soldier sometimes, but to be asked out on a _date_ by the man who’d murdered his parents?

He slammed a fist into the wall as he passed by, sinking to his knees and putting his face in his hands. How should he feel about this?

Bucky Barnes was an innocent victim. Bucky Barnes had asked him out. Bucky Barnes had the face of the weapon that had choked his mother’s life out of her.

He was crying before he even knew he was upset, but the next time someone saw him, they would never have known.

Barnes followed him around with his puppy eyes, like he always did, on his 2 weeks out of cryo after that. Only this time, there was sadness mixed amid the guilt and for some reason, that pissed Tony off more.

He avoided him like the plague because of it, sleeping in his mansion instead of the compound and only attending mandatory meetings to pass on information about the Accords.

Barnes was not an Avenger so he was never present and Rogers never asked if anything was wrong, so clearly this was an issue that was remaining private between them. Some part of him appreciated that, whereas another craved advice.

And to make things worse, his heat cycle was around the corner and he was already cramping, getting crankier by the day and feeling his anger build up around it; likely irrationally but he didn’t care anymore.

How dare Barnes put him in such a fucking turmoil. Who the _hell_ did he think he was.

He started drinking a little more out of frustration, or maybe because of his cycle, which started only a few days afterward, and he bailed out of training twice - blaming cramps - which hadn’t put him in anyone’s good books.

Not that he was in them anymore, anyway.

He didn’t understand why it was an issue however. In a real emergency, he’d fight whilst bleeding if he could, but for some simulation where he had to pretend and couldn’t even wear a heat-pad. No thank you.

He stayed in his lab instead, not even working but fuming and ranting to himself, until he realised that he was hungry and headed for the kitchen.

It was around 3am the second time he did so, so he was absolutely sure that no one else would be up but as soon as he bent to look in the cupboards for a quick snack, he heard someone’s footsteps behind him and tensed.

When the other person didn’t say anything or make to move however, he swore and spun around; not in the mood to let anyone see him like this, only to stop when he saw just who it was. Barnes stood in the doorway, frowning at him in casual gear and looking awful.

Tony froze, aware of how not-put-together he looked right now, when his second thought immediately became the realisation that his exit was blocked by a threat. As though he could read his mind, Barnes suddenly stepped to the side to ease that thought and unfolded his arms to slouch.

“I - “ Tony started, not sure what to say but to try to show that that wasn’t necessary at least, but Barnes spoke over him.

“It’s okay,” He said, “I get it,” He gestured behind him then, “I can go, if it makes you uncomfortable. I just came to get some juice.”

Tony blinked, “Oh. No, no. You can get juice. I’m not - I’m going anyway.”

“You just got here.” Barnes said, raising an eyebrow, “I saw you in the elevator.” Tony stared at him and eventually Barnes flushed, “I wasn’t - I saw you on my way here.”

“Well I don’t know, you’re always looking at me nowadays.” There was that anger again.

Barnes’ eyes turned from neutral to guilty, making a statement out of Tony’s snap, and instead of making him feel bad, it just made him angrier. 3000 hours and Barnes still acted like a kicked puppy.

“So you are angry at me.” He seemed to be talking to himself but still met Tony’s gaze, and Tony couldn’t quite hold it in.

“What are we, five?” He asked, “I’m not angry at you. I’m just - ” He stopped, noticing that Barnes was holding himself to one side, “What did you do?”

“Nothing.” Tony glared at him and eventually he sighed, “It’s just a stab wound. It’ll heal.” He then visibly realised he should explain a little more and added, “Muggers. I went for a run.”

“You’re not meant to go out un-escorted,” Tony reminded him and he smiled wryly.

“I thought it might get your attention.”

Tony worried over his lip, his stomach cramping again, “Can I see?” He asked and Barnes sat on one of the counter’s stool, unzipping his hoodie and revealing that he was shirtless beneath it.

Tony pulled free a small first-aid kit and clicked it open. It _was_ a small wound, barely cut in, but probably still smarting something fierce. He rubbed some antiseptic on it, the silence in the kitchen as he did becoming overwhelming as they both pointedly kept quiet.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Barnes eventually said and Tony froze.

“I’ve been busy.” He countered, moving aside to let Barnes stand up, and regretting it when he remembered their difference in height and build, “Not everything is Avengers business you know. I run a multi-billion-dollar company too. I also meet with Secretary Ross on a regular basis, I’m the Accords liaison _and_ sometimes a glorified assistant to some of those asses when it comes to passing messages along. And on top of that, I’m still a consultant to Shield. I’m _busy.”_

“Shouldn’t someone be helping you with all that?” Barnes asked, bewildered, and Tony scoffed.

“You find these imaginary and helpful people someday, point them out to me and I’ll give them my diary.” And there were the guilty eyes again.

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help.”

“You can help by stopping your little guilty stares,” Tony snapped, and suddenly it was all coming out, “I see them, and I get it. You feel guilty, I _know_ , but it still pisses me off seeing you acting like a puppy I’m putting down in the morning!”

“I didn’t - ”

“Well you do.” Tony interrupted, “And then you _ask_ me out?” Barnes blanched. “Yeah. You think I didn’t get that? I did. But you’re the _Winter Soldier_. You _murdered_ my parents.” He tugged at his hair, “But you didn’t at the same time, you’re innocent and you were used and it’s not your fault, but where does that leave me? I have all this anger, I have all this _grief_ , and the person it’s aimed at is living in my building but I can’t be angry at him!”

“You _can_ be angry at me,” Barnes said, sounding earnest, which just made it worse.

 _“No_ , I can’t.” Tony insisted, “Because then the mob will be after my head and - ”

Barnes stepped into his space, “Forget them.” He said, “Hit me.”

“What?” Tony refused to step back, pulling himself up to his full height instead, “No. I’m not hitting you.”

“Why not?” Barnes demanded, “I’m asking you to. I’m your outlet for anger. Hit me.”

“No.” Tony growled, giving him a shove, “Because it wasn’t _you_. It was Hydra and the Soldier and I know that I - _fuck_ \- “

“Now you’re just making excuses,” Barnes snapped and Tony’s heart beat faster. Not out of fear though, he realised, but out of a mixture of fury and arousal. He wasn’t sure where the latter was coming from but it wasn’t all coming from him and he didn’t know how to react to that.

“Hit me.” Barnes demanded again and Tony shoved him back. Barnes barely moved however and that just infuriated him more until he finally punched him in the chest. And then again. And again. And again.

He was choking out words before his brain had the sense to keep them back. “I wish you were dead,” He cried, slamming his hand palm down over Barnes’ torso and crowding closer, “But I also _don’t_.” He leant forward, resting his forehead over the zip of the hoodie and shutting his eyes, “I hate feeling like this and looking at you and wanting to help you or hit you - ”

“So hit me,” Barnes murmured, lifting Tony’s face up with his hands to meet his gaze, “I deserve it, god knows.”

Tony’s face crumpled at that and his hands curled over Barnes’ hoodie, “No you don’t.” He said miserably, “I wish you did … but you don’t.”

He shut his eyes again, leaning into Barnes’ touch and wondering why he wasn’t slapping those hands away instead.

“I’m so sorry,” Barnes told him, pressing his forehead against Tony’s and feeling the heat that radiated from him. Tony’s stomach cramped again and he winced; Barnes noticed and started to let go of him.

The loss of contact burned and every irrational and outrageous emotion inside of him cried out for it to come back.

“I know you are,” He murmured, “But I want to be angry.” Barnes looked down into his eyes, sliding them shut when Tony rose on his toes to kiss him, “I’m tired of being scared.”

Barnes kissed him back, putting a hand behind the back of his head and pulling him close, dipping his own head down to mouth over Tony’s lips. Tension bled out through the both of them and Tony slipped a hand between their bodies to unzip Barnes’ hoodie and wrap his hands around his bare chest; seeking both the warmth and the skin-to-skin contact.

“Move back.” Barnes told him however, shrugging the hoodie off and pulling Tony’s shirt up over his head. He then spun them around, pressing Tony against the wall and moving his lips down to his neck and collarbone.

Tony’s breathing stuttered in his ear, a series of soft and hitching exhales past an open mouth, and he wrapped his legs around Barnes’ waist to hoist himself up.

3000 hours and he was only now realising that a lot of the tension he’d felt between them hadn’t been aggression but sexual instead. He just hadn’t wanted to see it.

Barnes unbuckled his pants, pulling free his cock and supporting Tony with his other hand. With the vibranium, he only needed the one to hold him up and that should be frightening but it wasn’t.

Barnes seemed to think the opposite however from the look on his face so Tony pulled him back into the moment with a tug on his hair and a bite over his jowl, startling him enough into almost dropping him.

Tony had been on non-active duty today because of his heat, so he’d donned casual wear and avoiding anything constraining over his waistline, so all Barnes had to do was slip a hand under and pull his briefs down to be able to push inside.

“I think I ripped your skirt,” He said when he managed to get a grip again and Tony huffed out a soft laugh.

“It’s not a skirt,” He said, readjusting himself as well, “And I think that was my fault anyway.”

He felt Barnes pushing for entrance and relaxed as much as he could, gasping at the first breach and clutching Barnes’ shoulders to hold himself up. Barnes slid in slowly until Tony freed one of his legs and kicked him in the shin. He looked panicked then, starting to pull out.

“Do you want to stop?” He asked and Tony dug his nails into his skin.

“No you asshole,” He snapped, “We’re in the middle of the communal kitchen and I’m beyond pissed off. Don’t take your time.”

“You said you didn’t want to be scared anymore,” Barnes protested and Tony softened.

“I’ve never been scared of rough sex,” He said, “And I’d rather have this image of you than the one I already have. You know, the one where you _chok - "_ Barnes slammed into him, sticking his words in his throat and forcing him to push those thoughts away.

They ended up leaving the wall and Barnes bent Tony over the kitchen counter instead, pushing into him with his arms braced by his head. Tony dug his hands into the small of his back, shifting with every thrust and burying his face into Barnes’ neck.

They moved together, all thoughts erased and replaced with a simple and carnal need to seek pleasure, which inevitably led to Barnes coming inside of him. Tony slumped once he did as well, staring up at the ceiling for a while when Barnes just moved off of him.

No one disturbed them and Friday was silent, but they still should have just tidied themselves away and left the kitchen as quickly as they could. Instead, Tony curled up beside Barnes, resting his head and shoulders over his breast whilst one of his free hands tapped out a gentle beat.

They were both not completely naked but it was obvious what they’d done and it was the thought of what others would think that made Tony eventually think to move.

“This was wrong,” He murmured, rolling out of Barnes’ arms and onto the floor. He grabbed his briefs, sliding them on quickly and feeling his skin crawl, “God my parents must be rolling in their graves.”

Barnes pushed himself up to watch him. “Yeah.” Was all he seemed to want to say, which meant he probably agreed, and Tony felt his chest tighten at that.

He left as soon as he could then, half dressed and running for the elevator to get in a car and go to the mansion. He didn’t know what sort of image that left Barnes with and he didn’t care.

Because right now all he had the stomach to feel was disgust; and it was mostly with himself.

Barnes finished his two weeks without incident after their night together and Tony saw him again for their appointment on the last day.

They didn’t speak a word to each other, other than answering or asking simple questions, but when Barnes was being put back under cryo Tony paused with a finger over the machine and he couldn’t quite work out why.

He looked up, seeing Barnes watching him through the glass. He looked dead, buckled in and straight-backed, and that sat heavy in his stomach.

“What’s wrong?” Barnes asked when he still didn’t press anything.

“Nothing.” He said, “It - nothing.”

He turned to the machine, intent on turning it on, when he heard a tap and saw Barnes press a hand against the glass.

“I’m sorry.” He said and Tony slammed one of his own hands down.

“What are you sorry for _now?”_ He demanded and Barnes gave him a sad smile.

“All of it?” He half-asked, half-said, “I’m sorry I - that we didn’t meet under different circumstances. I’m sorry you hate me. And I‘m sorry I couldn’t ask you to a bakery without making you have to second guess if it’s morally okay or not.” Tony stared at him, “I’ve opened up to you more than I’ve ever opened up to anyone but I realise that you don’t have anyone to do that for you. I didn’t even know how angry you were until about four days ago. I should’ve. But I didn’t.” He made a face, “I thought we were okay.”

He glanced down when Tony stepped closer, like a child that had gotten a bad report and knew it, “I don’t hate you, James,” Tony said, using his first name instead of the last. He’d done it to distance himself, he knew that, but it clearly wasn’t working so why keep it up? “I actually quite like you.” He added, like it was a confession, “I just don’t _trust_ you yet. And I … have a hard time telling your face apart from the soldier’s.”

“I understand that,” Barnes said, “I didn’t mean to put you in this position.”

“ _I_ kissed _you,”_ Tony reminded him, and Barnes gave him a look.

“I asked you out first.”

“Let’s not make this a competition,” Tony said sarcastically, “It was a mistake. We can move past it and be civil.”

“What if I don't want to?” Barnes asked, “It wasn’t a mistake to me. ”

Tony laughed without humour, “James, I tried to kill you.”

“If you think I hold that against you, you’re crazy,” Barnes said, pressing both hands against the glass now, “From what you saw - I - what I did - ” He stopped, clearly struggling.

In his appointments, he’d mentioned that the therapist that Rogers had gotten him had been making him work on separating himself from the Soldier, but in this situation it was too messy to try.

Tony opened his mouth to say something himself, of what he wasn’t too sure, but the doors suddenly opened and he was startled out of his thoughts.

Rogers stepped inside, smiling at Barnes and oblivious to the tension until he neared, only to immediately frown once he noticed.

“Is everything okay?” He asked Barnes, not Tony, and when he got a nod from him in reply, Tony answered.

“Fine. Just putting him under.”

Barnes hid his expression well, giving Tony a single look before moving his hands from the glass and straightening himself out.

“That’s actually what I came down here to say,” Rogers said, in his stealth gear, “Ross rang while you were with Bucky and I told him you were indisposed. Apparently if you are, messages come to me?” He seemed weirdly pleased by that but honestly, it was just out of convenience. “He said that Bucky’s been cleared for field work. That the scans you sent last week show enough improvement.”

Tony blinked, surprised. He shouldn’t have been cleared so quickly. He’d only just started to improve. Rogers looked at him.

“Obviously he’ll still be assessed, if you don’t trust him.” He said and Tony startled.

“What?”

“If there’s an issue, you can still assess him. According to Ross, you have all say.” He sounded bitter about that and didn’t bother to hide it.

“That’s not - “ Tony stopped, refusing to explain himself. He tapped the cyro’s controls, letting it hiss open. Barnes stepped out from it’s confines, looking confused himself, “Is that why you’re here then? To take him into the field?”

“We got a call about more of those incursions down in Poland. Nat and I were going to go but now that Bucky’s cleared, he can come along too.” He grinned at him then, “We could use a sniper.”

Tony paused, frowning, “He shouldn’t be on active combat so soon, Rogers. Field work means he can join you, not fight.”

Rogers frowned back at him, “I know that Tony. I was just reminding Bucky of how we used to work together.”

“I remember,” Barnes said quietly, before an argument could start. He looked at Tony only then, “Do I have to go on missions?”

Tony met his gaze, “If you don’t feel ready, no.” He said and Rogers nodded in agreement, “It’s your decision James.”

“James?” Rogers asked, amused, and Tony barely gave him a second glance.

“That’s his name isn’t it.”

Barnes smiled at him before turning to Rogers. “I don’t,” He said, “Feel ready that is. I’d rather go into cryo. It was my last session anyway, wasn’t it?”

Tony nodded. “You’re under for 17 weeks, with a week off in between, and then your cryo sessions are over.”

“Alright. 17 weeks, and then we’ll see,” Barnes said.

“17 weeks is a long time, Bucky,” Rogers told him but Barnes just shrugged.

“I’ve been under longer,” He said lightly, “It’s nothing. I was under for what, 30 weeks in Wakanda?”

Rogers nodded slowly, “Alright. I’ll see you in 17 weeks then. What is that, 4 months?”

He looked to Tony to nod, which he did, and watched as Barnes stepped back into the pod. Barnes didn’t look at him again and this time Tony switched the machine on immediately, seeing the glass mist up and reflect his face.

He realised that he looked strangely vacant and forced his expression to change.

“How is he?” Rogers then asked him after the 5 minutes were up.

“I can’t tell you. It’d be a breach of trust.”

Rogers gave him a look, “You can tell me if he’s okay or not.”

“You could have asked him yourself just now,” Tony said, turning to leave, feeling uncomfortable discussing Barnes in front of his unconscious body.

“He doesn’t tell me the truth.”

“And you think he tells me?” Tony asked.

“You see him more than I do nowadays,” Rogers said, “And he likes you.”

“God knows why.” Tony muttered, leaving Rogers behind and heading for his lab, “He’s fine, as far as I can tell.” He then said as he turned the corner.

His heat cycle ended earlier than usual after that but he still used it as an excuse to avoid the team, huddling up in his room and ignoring the cold feeling in his stomach as he thought about all that had happened.

The next few days he spent making lists in his head about how he should feel about all of this. He felt dirty for one, like he’d taken advantage of someone that didn’t know any better, and also ashamed to have slept with his parents’ murderer. He then felt angry at the previous feelings as well because Barnes had been the one to make the first move and he was definitely not a child, and he also wasn’t the killer.

He was starting to think that he needed a therapist himself, to vent these feelings out a bit and figure out how to work around them. On top of his ridiculous inner turmoil, he was starting to get the flu and was feeling sicker by the day; getting repeated headaches and feeling his stomach turn at times just to annoy him.

“You look awful,” Pepper greeted him when she walked into the Compound, just a few weeks after Barnes had gone under. Tony gave her a dark look, leading to her raise both hands, “Just an observation. You have a conference at the fourth University in about 2 hours, so you need to freshen up a little.”

Tony moaned, “Can I not leave it for a bit? I’ve got a killer headache.”

Pepper hummed, with obvious faux-sympathy, “No.” She dropped a suit in his lap, “Shower, make-up, get dressed. Now.”

He glared at her, pushing himself up to his feet and wincing when his head continued to throb.

The shower did help a little and woke him up fully, despite it being around 1pm, but it didn’t rid him of his headache at all. He was still ready to go a half an hour before he was supposed to be there anyway and Pepper let him know how lucky he was that there was no traffic today.

“Can you stop?” He complained after a while, “My head feels like it’s _splitting_.”

She looked at him from across the car seats and rummaged in her purse for some Tylenol.

He took it dry, shutting his eyes and groaning, “How far are we Hap?” He croaked.

“5 minutes, boss,” Happy told him. Not far then. Tony sighed, sat up, and tried to compose himself for the inevitable cameras that he would face once he stepped out.

Pepper walked inside with him whilst Happy took the car away, and they both ignored all of the questions that were fired at him; about the Accords, about the ‘rogue’ Avengers and their pardons, about the incursions in Poland, about Barnes and about Tony’s lack of appearances lately.

Once inside, Tony read through the information that he’d be talking over in the conference and met a few eager students that stood in the hall before they were meant to be allowed in.

He signed old textbooks and photographs and so forth until he was beckoned by a stage director and told to make his way to the doors behind the lecture theatre.

The talk was mainly a safety briefing over the incursions that had started to occur recently and an assurance that the Avengers were on the case.

As it was, Tony had no idea what was causing these events. Each one started with the temperature in the area suddenly dropping and an hour later, a white blast would shake the ground and cause an earthquake. No one had died because of them yet but without warnings, it would only be a matter of time.

Afterward, he stayed for their awards ceremony out of politeness, and because his headache hadn’t gone yet and he didn’t want to be in a car until it had.

Students went up eagerly to claim their awards; for best student, best project, best dressed and all sorts of other versions and he smiled and clapped with the rest of them for each one. This was the fourth University on his list and Rogers, Natasha and Sam had a list of their own to complete alongside his, but of the ones he’d visited so far, this one had the most informal conferences that he’d seen.

After the awards were given out, they were led to file out into a hall beneath the theatre, where there were stalls full of cakes and burgers and hot dogs and so on. Parents and professors headed right for them and Tony allowed himself to be swamped by questions from anyone that wanted to ask. His head was still killing him however, so when he could, he managed to slip away to get a glass of water.

Unfortunately, the refreshment table was right beside a stall of hot dogs and for some reason, the smell made his headache worse until he almost felt the need to throw up.

“You okay?” He turned to see Pepper standing beside him, looking concerned. He went to nod but shook his head when he felt bile rise up in his throat, “Okay, come on.”

She took him by the arm, leading him out of the hall and toward the toilets. There was an Omegas by the end of the corridor and once he was in, he shot straight for the sink and vomited right into it.

“Ugh.” Pepper rubbed his back with the flat of her palm, using her other hand to smooth his hair back from his forehead and keep any strands from going near his mouth, of which he was thankful for when he immediately vomited again.

Once he was done, he washed his mouth out and splashed water over the sink to drain away the last of what must have been his breakfast.

“God. I’ve not had this bad a migraine in ages.” He moaned but when he looked up, Pepper was staring at him strangely. “What?” He asked.

Wordlessly, she reached into her bag, “I went out during the awards to get it,” She said, laying a pregnancy test down over the edge of the sink firmly, “Your headaches wouldn’t go, you’ve gained a little weight, and you threw up over the smell of meat.”

“Pep - "

“Just test it.” She said, shaking her head, “If only to rule it out.” She sighed then, “Your cycle ended early as well, didn’t it?”

Tony didn’t bother to refuse or deny anything, pressing his lips together as he realised that he must have subconsciously had the same thought himself and just hadn’t wanted to think about it.

He took the test and locked himself in a cubicle, pulling down his pants to pee. Once he was out, he lay the test on a bit of tissue, washed his hands, and ignored how Pepper was staring down at it with a bizarrely fierce look on her face and how his own heart was pounding.

After around five minutes, however, Pepper made a small noise of shock and Tony shut his eyes slowly.

“Shit.”

.

There had been no doubt in Tony’s mind over who the father was. His jam-packed diary didn’t give him the time to get laid continuously, and Barnes had been the only alpha that he’d been with in the last few weeks.

And now, 16 weeks afterward, he was showing and didn’t know what to do about it. He was keeping the child, he’d already decided on that, and it was too late to decide otherwise now anyway.

He’d panicked at first before he had, contacting Helen immediately and swearing both Pepper and herself into silence over his predicament. In the end, however, he’d ignored his panic and had embraced what was happening.

He’d always wanted a baby after all, so even if it was unexpected, why whine?

Around five years ago, he’d tried about seven times to get pregnant. Pepper and he had been in a secure relationship and had spoken about it together; excited. Only to find that no matter what they did, Tony’s body just didn’t seem to want to give them what they wanted.

Now, despite her never explicitly saying it of course, he knew that Pepper was happy about that. Their break-up had been awful anyway, but to have had a child amidst them? It would have just become plain messy and he wasn’t sure their friendship would have survived that.

But still, it was just typical that the one time he managed to get pregnant, it was unplanned and not the happy occasion he’d wanted it to be.

Almost four months in now, he’d started to tailor clothes specifically to hide the bump that he was growing instead of showing it off, holding himself in certain ways when around the Avengers, and keeping his cravings and vomiting to himself.

His morning sickness was particularly awful, mainly because it never happened in the mornings and forced him to wake up in the middle of the night instead; to both pee and puke when baby wasn’t happy.

He knew he looked like hell and blamed it on Accord meetings, which were keeping him awake most nights anyway, so it wasn’t a complete lie.

But he also knew that sooner or later he’d have to tell Rogers about this, if only to ensure that he wasn’t called out into the field whilst pregnant.

There had been another incursion in New Zealand this time and they had a meeting one afternoon to discuss it and to assign two people to go and check it out and help with the aftermath of the earthquakes that it had caused.

The rest of them were still needed to help with one that had happened in Mississippi a few days before. The news was going crazy over it all, which gave the Avengers a little reprieve from the ‘civil war’ questions and let them show their good side once again by helping the world.

Once the meeting was over, Rogers and Sam were the two that were heading to New Zealand, and Tony took note of that to bring it up to the Accords committee and gain permission for travel.

The others all rose to leave then, but Tony caught Rogers before he could.

“Hey Cap?” He was half out of his seat when Rogers turned; Clint and Sam pausing as well and looking back at them both, “Can I have a word?” He asked, glancing at Clint briefly, before adding, “In private?”

Clint scoffed, “What. You can’t talk about Accords shit with us in the room?”

“It’s personal, not Accord business,” Tony told him coldly.

Rogers turned to face him fully, “Is it about Bucky?” He asked, looking worried.

In a way, Tony thought bitterly, only to shake his head, “No. Like I said, it’s personal.”

“And team-talks mean nothing to you - ?” Clint started but he stopped when Rogers gave him a look.

“We can talk in here if you want,” Rogers then said to Tony, gesturing around the meeting room. Sam wordlessly took Clint by the arm, urging him out of the room.

“Sure.” Tony said lightly, internally assuring himself that he’d sit away from the door to deter any attempts at reading his lips through the glass, “Friday can lock the door.”

As they sat back down, Friday did just that, and Rogers smiled at him.

“So.” He said, “What’s - ?”

“I need to step down as IronMan,” Tony interrupted and Rogers’ face immediately fell, “Not permanently, but for around a year and a bit so if you call me, I won’t come out to the field.”

If possible, Rogers’ kicked-puppy-face drooped even more and he pinched the bridge of his nose, “I thought we were past all this Tony.” He said, his voice low and disappointed.

“Past what?” Tony raised an eyebrow, fully aware of what ‘this’ was but not wanting to argue, “This has nothing to do with the team. It’s - medical.”

Rogers’ face snapped from disappointment to concern immediately, “Oh. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Tony said, keeping his voice level and curt in the face of this ‘worry’, “It’s not life-threatening, I just can’t use the suit.” He started to rise out of his chair, “That’s all - “

“Wait, hang on,” Rogers looked stupidly startled, “Can’t I help with any of it?”

Tony gave him a long look, “Uh. No. Not really.” Rogers stood as well then, “Not much to do with you, honestly.”

“I think it is,” Rogers argued, “It concerns a member of my team, and as leader I need to know if anything affects someone’s performance or - “

My _team. Get over yourself._

"For God’s sake,” Tony rolled his eyes, “Fine, whatever. Let’s not pull rank.” He sat back down, adding, “Friday darken the glass for me and delete the recording of the room from this point.”

“Tony,” Rogers sat again as well, “The team should - “

“I don’t even want to tell _you_ , but I am,” Tony reminded him, “So don’t push it.” He sighed loudly then, to show his frustration, “Okay.” He lifted his head to meet Rogers’ gaze, “I’m pregnant.” Better to rip it off right?

Rogers’ eyes widened impossibly big. Clearly that had not been what he’d been expecting, “You - You’re - ?”

“Pregnant. Yes.” Tony leant back in his seat, not bothering to hide his bump now and pushing it out a little even, just to prove his statement, “About 4 months.”

“And you - “ Rogers cleared his throat and Tony felt a spike of satisfaction at seeing what was obviously an uncomfortable reminder that Tony was an omega. “And you’re keeping it.”

It wasn’t a question but Tony still nodded, “Yes.” Rogers’ eyes flickered, “Is that a problem?”

“No! No problem,” he said, “I just - I guess I never thought you’d - I don’t know.”

“Never thought I’d want to be a parent?” Tony prompted wryly, just to see Rogers flush, “Contrary to what most people think about me, I’d love to be a mother.”

After a moment, Rogers nodded, smiling, “But you’re okay otherwise?” He checked.

“Peachy,” Tony told him, standing once again, “Apart from check-ups having to be added to my already full diary, I’m just great.”

“We can help,” Rogers said, “Ease your load.”

“And how will you explain why I need my load lightened?” Tony raised an eyebrow, “I don’t want anyone to know.”

Rogers gave him a look, “They’re going to realise soon enough themselves.” He said.

“I’m aware of that,” Tony bit, “But I want to sort some things out before I tell anyone _and_ the Board might leak the info, so I want names if that happens.”

“The Board?”

“Board of Directors.” Tony answered, “I’m putting myself down for maternity leave to exempt me from lab work and fumes and stuff. 2 years because I’m not taking a newborn to meetings either.”

Rogers frowned, “What … what about the father?”

Tony paused, “What about them?”

“Well. Couldn’t he help?”

Tony huffed out a short laugh, giving him a half-smile, “He doesn’t know Cap.” He said softly and Rogers blinked, pushing off of the table and to his feet.

“Do you - " He paused, looking annoyingly disappointed again, “Do you know who the father is?”

Tony felt his face tighten, “No.” He said coldly, “It could be anyone. Probably one of the ambassadors that I ‘cosy’ up to during Accords meetings, but who knows? Maybe even Ross. God knows I’m too busy to find anyone else.”

“I’m sorry,” Rogers immediately apologised, “I didn’t mean to - “

“To imply what you really think I do in my spare time?” Tony finished for him, “Of course not. But you did. And I do take offence. For your information, though, I do know who the father is. I just don’t have any idea of how he’ll react so I don’t want to tell him.” He fixed his blazer, turning to leave, “Happy?”

“Tony - wait,” Rogers put an arm out to stop him, “Don’t leave it like this, let’s talk - “

“We just did.”

“No.” Rogers said firmly, his voice suddenly hard, “Not - like we _used_ to.”

Tony stared, feeling sorry for him and letting it show, “Come on Rogers,” He said softly, “We’re never going to be there again. Not after Siberia.”

Rogers lowered his arm, “Bucky - “

“This has nothing to do with him,” Tony snapped now, glaring, “I understand his story. I have regular appointments with him. I _get_ he was innocent. But me and you?” He shook his head, “ _We_ will never be there again. Because _you_ lied and _you_ betrayed my trust.”

“Tony - " Rogers stopped himself, visibly rethinking his words, and glancing down, “I - okay. I know. I did. And the letter I sent - I wanted to _apologise_ \- “

“I know you did.” Tony stopped him, “But that doesn’t mean I have to forgive you. And as far as I’m concerned, your apology was barely a scrape in the tub of what you did, so you haven’t earned my good will. So no. We won’t talk like we used to. Not ever. Good _bye.”_   With that, he pushed past him and left the room, saying, “Friday resume recording,” as he did, and seeing Clint leaning against the wall without any attempt at being subtle.

“What, personal and private talks mean nothing to you?” He snapped at him but Clint ignored him in favour of approaching Rogers.

Tony clenched his fists, hoping to hell that Rogers would keep it his word and not tell anyone, and if he did, that he could fucking lie properly and not give it away after all this.

.

The next few days following their talk had Tony feeling beyond paranoid that everyone knew and was silently judging him. When no one made to make a snide comment or a vague mention of pregnancy however, he started to think that maybe Rogers could keep a secret after all.

Another week from now, and Barnes would be out of cryo, which started to blind him to everything else anyway. He'd never felt so indecisive in his entire life. Did Barnes have a right to know that Tony was carrying his child? Wouldn't it be obvious? Or would Barnes assume that it was someone else's?

And in that case, would that hurt him? To know that Tony might have been with some other alpha besides him? And did Tony _care_ that it would hurt him? Or was it selfish to not care? Or self-love to just focus on himself? He'd no idea about any of it.

"You're spacing out again."

Startling, Tony looked up into Rhodey's eyes and gave him a wry smile, "Sorry," He pushed himself to his feet, offering to help Rhodey up with a hand as well. The legs that he'd made him weren't perfect, _yet_ , and sometimes started to get a little stiff unless they were worked out.

One day, he'd make it so Rhodey could use them without Tony ever having to be around to help him. If he could build himself an artificial heart and a suit that could almost withstand two super soldiers, he could make his best friend walk again.

"You wanna try again?" He asked, stretching, but Rhodey shook his head.

"Nah. I could go a few more but you look exhausted." Any other time, Tony would probably have argued that, but he didn't think he could crouch a fourth time without feeling woozy.

"Yeah." He put a hand to his stomach, "My legs aren't used to the additional weight yet."

"You're blossoming pretty nicely though."

Tony laughed softly, "What does that mean, without all that politeness?"

Rhodey grinned, "Fatty." Tony gave him a look, though he knew he could tell that he was amused, "So. You ready to talk about it?"

"About what?"

"About what's been making you zone out more than usual." Rhodey said, his legs whirring as he moved to stand beside Tony's work-desk, watching as he took a seat and looked up at him.

"Nothing to talk about." Tony said, "I'm just - stressed."

"Yeah I get that," Rhodey said, putting a hand on Tony's head and curling his fingers to massage his scalp just a little. Tony felt his eyes slide closed at the sensation, "But this is something else. And I want you to know you can talk to me."

"I know. I just don't want you to judge me."

"I judge you for _breathing_ , Tony, that doesn't mean I won't be there for you."

With a hum, Tony decided that it wasn't worth keeping quiet. Even Pepper didn't know who the father was and he knew that he'd been craving advice about all of this. Maybe it was time to come clean about his dirty little secret. 

"I'm thinking about whether I should tell the father or not." He admitted and when the massaging didn't stop, he felt himself start to relax just a little more. 

"You know who he is?" It wasn't an accusation or a statement, just a genuine question. He nodded with a sigh and Rhodey waited patiently for him to tell him more. He couldn't seem to force the words out however, instead constantly imagining the disapproval that would be on Rhodey's face and the sheer guilt that he would feel over everything. 

After a few moments, Rhodey pressed him gently, "Tony?"

"Can't you guess?" Tony blurted and Rhodey raised an eyebrow, "Please?"

"Come on Tony, what do you think I'm gonna do? Get War Machine out and go after this guy?" Oh God. He hadn't thought of that. "Unless you - want me to?" Suddenly immensely serious, Rhodey spun Tony's chair around until he could face him directly, "Tony?"

 _"No,_ of course I don't want you to - "

"Did he hurt you?"

"No."

_"Tony."_

"He didn't hurt me." Not physically anyway.

"Then why won't you tell me?"

Tony shut his eyes, turning his face away, "Because ... god." He put his face in his hands, feeling the worry and panic radiating off of Rhodey but knowing that answering the original and unspoken question would not help matters in any way. 

"Tony, you're worrying me here." Rhodey murmured, leaning closer in an attempt to use his scent to calm Tony down, "Tony?"

"Leave it Rhodey."

"No, not when it's got you this worked up. What is it?"

_"Nothing."_

"I ain't leaving until you tell me." Rhodey claimed, "I'm not going to - "

"Okay look, I'm ashamed, Rhodey, okay?" Tony snapped his head up to glare at him, nowhere near angry but still trying to force himself to feel any other emotion than this crushing sense of shame, "I'm so fucking _ashamed!"_

Rhodey stared at him, and for a moment, it was like the two of them were frozen in place, until he eventually stepped back and straightened, "Tony, who is it."

Tony sighed, looking down at his knees and speaking softly, in a low tone he rarely used unless he was truly upset, "He's in cryo." He answered and Rhodey's scent changed from calming to something electric.

He felt himself flinch a little and when Rhodey didn't say anything for a long, long time, he started to feel his shame turn into despair. As soon as his first tear fell, he quickly turned away to hide it. Another soon followed and he wasn't fast enough to catch that one, or the ones that came right after. His shoulders shook and he felt his lips trembling as he struggled to keep them closed and silent. 

Rhodey had him in his arms before he could force himself to stop however, holding him tight, and he immediately began to sob, "Get off me." He moaned, sounding pathetic even to his own ears, "Let go - "

Rhodey just held him tighter and he sagged into him, "It's okay Tones. You're okay."

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are. You're safe." Rhodey continued, "You're okay."

"He killed my  _mom,"_ Tony cried into his chest, "He killed my mom and I  _fucked_ him!" 

"It's okay Tony," Rhodey continued to repeat, rocking him like a terrified child and speaking into his hair, "Let it out." Tony screamed wordlessly into his chest, curling his hands into fists, "Just let this all out. You've held it back long enough."

"But what this make me?" Tony cried, "What does it make me, that I still fucked him?"

"It makes you hurt," Rhodey promised, "It makes you hurt and scared. And it shows you can see the difference between that soldier and Barnes." Tony shook his head against Rhodey's shirt, "What you think you don't? Trust me. If Barnes had really been the one to do it, and not the soldier, he wouldn't be alive right now. And somewhere, deep down, you know that too. Barnes is just a man. The soldier is who you'd be ashamed to have been with."

Tony pulled away from him, "They're the same person Rhodey." He sniffed.

"You know they're not. Better than anyone, _you_ know they're not." He reached behind him, grabbing a tissue and handing it to Tony so he could wipe his face and blow his nose. A few minutes passed and eventually, Tony's breathing calmed from hitches to a normal pace. Rhodey passed him another tissue, "So that was it then?"

"Was what it?" Tony asked, frowning.

"Your big secret. That was it?"

"What do you mean that was  _it?"_ Tony's frown deepened into a glare, "Do you have any idea how I've felt about all of this, for the past four months? First he asked me out and I couldn't even handle  _that_ , but then I went and slept with him! And then I got pregnant. And no one  _knew!_ He's in cryo and I didn't know who or if I should tell! And then you - " He stopped, looking at the look on Rhodey's face, "What?" He snapped.

"You." Rhodey snapped back, "Four months you've been freaking out over this and you keep it to yourself, as usual. Why is it the only way to get you to vent is to make the situation sound less than it is?"

Tony shrugged, turning away, "I don't know. I like honesty."

Rhodey snorted, "Yeah. Okay." Reaching out, he put a hand on Tony's head again and smiled, "Look. I'm here for you. You know I am. And I always will be. Okay?"

Tony fiddled with the edge of his shirt, shrugging again, "Okay."

"Good." Leaning back against the table, Rhodey folded his arms across his chest, "So how are we telling Barnes about this?"

Tony worried over his bottom lip, "I don't even think I should."

"It's up to you." Rhodey agreed, "It's your baby. But if you are going to tell him, you need to plan that conversation out first."

Tony looked up at him, "What if he doesn't want it?" He asked quietly, "What if he wants me to get rid of it?"

Rhodey narrowed his eyes, "Do  _you_ want it?" He asked. At Tony's nod, he said, "Then you keep it."

Tony put a hand to his stomach, sucking in a deep and calming breath. "... okay."

Okay. 

A few days later, his phone flashed a reminder to let Barnes out of cryo, and he promptly threw up into his bathroom sink. He blamed morning sickness, but nervousness was probably more accurate, because for once in his life he was planning on being honest with someone from the get-go. 

He just hoped he didn't regret it. 

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tony is struggling with his morals and so forth.  
> Barnes is struggling with his. 
> 
> Comments are golden! :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> F.Y.I. I don't like that Clint's married so I made Laura his sister and the children his nephews and niece :)

.

James looked completely worn out once his session ended. There were  bags under his eyes and his usual ruggedness was working against him for once.

“You’ve been asleep for 4 months and you look worse than I feel,” Tony joked, determined not to think about how their last conversation had gone and how it was likely still fresh in James’ mind.

“Yeah.” James sat, rolling his right sleeve up for blood draw and staring at a spot on the wall, “It can be pretty taxing if you try it.”

“I have tried it,” Tony told him, rubbing antiseptic on the crease of his elbow and pushing the needle in, “Little pinch,” He said out of habit, half expecting James’ usual comment of how it really wasn’t for him, but all he got instead was silence.

In fact, James stayed quiet throughout the entire examination and only when Tony was typing up the weight gain results, did he finally speak up again.

“What made you try Cryo?” He asked.

“Only place I can get peace and quiet,” Tony said lightly, more focused on what he was doing, but when James shifted slightly, he felt bad and put the tablet down, “... I was shot,” He admitted and James met his gaze for the first time since he’d woken up, “Short-range, stomach. Twice. Cryo kept me alive long enough for Helen Cho to arrive.”

The only people who knew about this had been Paul Barkley, his attacker, Pepper and Helen. He wasn’t sure why James was now added to the list but he supposed trust was a trickling process.

James nodded slowly in reaction, before suddenly standing and asking, “Are we done?”

Tony blinked, startled, “I – uh. Yes. We’re done with the tests, if that’s what you – ” He cut himself off when James just walked right out the door. He paused once, muttered ‘see you around’, and then was gone.

Tony stared after him, struggling to not feel hurt at that and forcing his mind back to the conversation that James must be remembering.

Was this him pretending the sex never happened? Like Tony had said to?

If this was how he was planning on going about it, telling him about the pregnancy would be harder than he’d thought. Falling back in his chair, he put his head in his hands and sighed. Four months ago he’d shot himself in the foot, and he hadn’t even known it. That sounded like his luck.

Almost immediately, Rogers put James on a mission and Tony didn't protest. He had a strong feeling that it wouldn't be taken well by both alphas and he didn't have the energy to deal with the tension that it would cause.

Natasha and Sam went with them, and though it was only a clean-up mission, Tony still put in a request to the Board for permission to cross countries. Rogers was so excited to have James back in the fray however that he barely waited for an answer and was in the air by the time Tony received one.

This whole thing was a constant headache.

"What the hell's the matter with _you?"_ He glanced up from his phone, frowning at the look that Clint was giving him, "You look like hell."

Tony scoffed, rising to leave the room, fed up with all of this and tired of being the only one willing to be civil after everything, "What do you care." He snapped, unable to resist showing his anger, only to visibly tense when a hand curled around his wrist and pulled him back around.

"Hey man," Clint started, sounding less hostile this time around, "Can we talk?"

Tony stared at him, only for it to then click, "Where do you need to go?" He asked, pulling his arm out of Clint's grip and straightening, "You don't have to be nice for me to get permission from the board."

"Yeah I'm not sweetening you Stark, I need to talk to you." He dipped his head toward the hallway, "In there." He walked away without waiting for a response and eventually Tony followed, if only to appease his curiosity and to find out if Rogers had finally blabbed. Not that it mattered anyway, he was sure he was almost showing now, it was likely obvious.

He stepped into one of the empty rooms that Clint had walked in, shutting the door and crossing over to sit over the table. Clint had turned a chair around to sit on it backwards, leaning on the backrest and having that same look that he'd had before.

Almost sympathetic and it was making Tony's skin crawl until he realised that he actually felt self-conscious about it. What was he looking at? What did he want?

"So?" He finally prompted, shifting over the table until his shirt no longer felt as tight as it had when he'd first sat down.

"So," Clint repeated, "I'm an asshole."

Tony blinked, "What?"

"I'm an asshole," Clint repeated, "What I said to you, after our fight, about breaking backs." Tony glanced away for a moment in memory, "Yeah see. I was an asshole."

"And what made you come to this sudden realisation?" Tony snapped, unsure of what this was about and not having the patience for it.

"An incursion happened in Siberia last week."

"I'm aware."

"Yeah well, me and Natasha went and we found the base with the super soldiers. SHIELD had cleaned it up as much as they could but it still stank of Hydra." Tony folded his arms across his chest, a little intrigued now but no less frustrated, "We found a video. Put two-and-two together." He straightened over his chair, meeting Tony's gaze with a hardness that burned, "You didn't want Bucky in the tower because you were being a bitch, you didn't want him here because he murdered your parents."

Tony lowered his eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheeks as he thought of what to say, "I thought Rogers told you about all that?"

"Nope."

"So what difference does it make?" Tony genuinely asked, "You blamed me for Rhodey _before_ I saw the video. What does it change?"

"A lot actually." Clint said, "It made me think for one. I thought back, to everything, and if I'm honest. I don't like what I remember."

"Meaning?" Tony pressed, confused.

"Meaning I jumped right into a fight I didn't understand. I joked on the battlefield because it didn't feel as serious to me as it obviously was to you. And to Cap." He rocked the chair forward, "Nat and I talked about it and she told me about how you got Ross to back off, so you could bring us in. Save anyone getting shot at. How you weren't expecting a fight." He made a face, "Hell I've got a 5 year old niece and she knows there are two sides to a story better than I do. I just listened to one and stuck with it."

"You followed your leader, you didn't - "

"No see that's not why," Clint said, "I was mad at you still for Ultron. I trusted Steve more than I trusted you. And it turns out I was wrong. I mean, I love her, but I know what Wanda tried to do to me which meant she did it to you too. If I didn't want to be blamed for all of Loki's shit, then I shouldn't have blamed you for Ultron. I'm _sorry."_

Tony stared at him and Clint reached over to pluck a tissue out of one of the boxes and hand it to him, "I'm not crying," Tony protested, annoyed, but Clint just waved the tissue.

"Your nose is bleeding." He said and Tony snatched the tissue up quickly.

"Oh." He dabbed at his nose, ignoring how intently Clint watched him do so, "It happens - sometimes." He explained, lamely.

"Yeah, in pregnancies." Clint added, and Tony sighed, "Well ... not all. But it's a symptom. Laura had them too." He stood then, getting another tissue and passing it to Tony to replace the now dotted-with-red mess in his hands, "How far along are you?"

"Four months and a bit," Tony told him, clearing his throat and taking the tissue, "Rogers tell you?"

"He told me you were ill, from being stressed and busy," Clint said and Tony's snort was muffled by his tissue, "But I kinda guessed a while later what the real reason was."

"And did _you_ tell anyone?"

"No."

"Has Natasha guessed?"

"I don't know."

Tony sniffed, crumpling the tissues in his hands and putting them in his lap, "It wasn't a secret really. I just wanted to sort some things out first."

"Like telling the father?"

"I'm not so sure about that part."

"Fair enough." He put a hand on Tony's shoulder before thinking better of it and sliding it off again, "Listen. We were a good team once. I want to try again, if it's even possible that we can go back now."

"Are you saying this because you mean it or because you know I'm pregnant?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

"A bit of both," Clint admitted, completely seriously, "I mean, I _mean_ it. But also, if you're going to have a baby around here, we have to be better. Kids need role models." He shrugged, "I want to be one for yours." With that done, he started to walk out and opened the door to leave, but just as he stepped out Tony turned toward him and quickly said:

"Thank you."

Clint gave him a small smile and nod and shut the door after him. Tony sat there for a little while longer, his usual tension headache dimming a little, and he only slid off of the table when his phone rang and he went to attend the meeting that he'd booked beforehand. Clint's apology rang in his head all day however, and he barely focused on his work.

His maternity-leave was in two months and he couldn’t wait for it to arrive. He was hardly getting big just yet but the weight was still a bit much to handle and he'd started to hear himself breathing harder than he should at times, not to mention the nosebleeds and the constant constipation. He supposed this was why pregnancy was known as a condition.

Three days later, a report came into his inbox and he put his sandwich down to read it.

The clean-up that Rogers had gone to help with had been in Haiti this time and from what they'd found, it had been somewhat different from the others.

The incursions were getting more frequent and a lot bigger than they'd started with now, and 10 people had been injured in Haiti's one.

Civilians in the area had reported a temperature drop before the tremors began which correlated with previous reports and with the injuries those 10 people had gotten as they'd ranged from extensive frostbite to mild freezer burn. But the crater that they usually formed hadn't been sighted yet and that was odd.

If people were getting injured from these then it was only a matter of time before more injuries, or worse injuries, started to happen. They needed to sort this.

He needed to sort this.

He continued to scroll through the report with his index finger, reading everything as avidly as he could so he could report back to the Board as accurately as possible, and he paused when he saw James pop up in a paragraph near the end.

 _'Barnes displayed expert knowledge of the area and was able to befriend civilians for information about the incursion. This is a major improvement on his behaviour prior to this.'_ Natasha had clearly written that.

He tapped over the words, highlighting and un-highlighting them, happy that B.A.R.F had worked for James but his own personal issues battled for priority as he thought about him. They still had one more appointment to go and it was up to James when it happened this time but he wasn't so sure he wanted to have it so soon now, considering how curt James had been before.

He tilted the tablet up to read the rest of the report and to ignore his feelings, only to scream and drop it when his door suddenly burst open.

"Free for the chec - ?"

"What the f - !" Tony lowered his hand from where he'd automatically raised it, despite it not being attached to a repulsor, and he stared open-mouthed at his visitor. James glanced down at his hand.

"What were you going to do with that?" He asked and Tony glared.

"You're lucky I wasn't armed," He snapped before looking at his tablet on the floor and seeing a sharp crack over it's right corner, "Oh, great. Perfect."

"Sorry," James bent to pick it up, placing it back on the table. He was still in combat gear and must have just returned from Haiti only a few moments ago, "So can we do our last appointment?"

"I haven't finished your report, yet," Tony said, gesturing to the tablet, "I don't know if you have any injuries or - "

"I don't," James said bluntly, "And you can check that anyway. So can we do it, so I can go?"

Tony swallowed past the hurt that rose in him at that and stood, holding himself up into something cold and jagged, "Why?" He asked softly, "You've got somewhere to be?"

"Yeah. I do." Barnes bit out, "Away from you."

"Oh mature," Tony rolled his eyes, "You know when I said to pretend it never happened, this is not what I meant."

"Well, that’s not what I’m doing." Barnes said, his tone firm.

"Then what are you doing?"

"Let's just say I had time to think in there." He nodded at the cryo pod, "And I've realised you're not exactly someone I should be fooling around with. I killed your parents, you tried to kill me and my best friend, it's stupid." Tony blinked twice, his eyes warm, "And then you whined about how much your life sucks to me like I could relate to you and pretended to care. So can we do my fucking check-up already?"

And there it was. The catch to this all. He'd known it, somewhere, and had denied it. Barnes had just wanted to seem human so he could be cleared and cancel their appointments together. He'd been an agent of Hydra, he knew how to manipulate.

"Sure," Tony whispered, turning away to blink several times under the guise that he was looking for the scales, but when he bent to lift them a tear slipped out anyway and he had to quickly wipe it off.

When he faced Barnes again, he forced himself back into the professional state that he'd had when they'd first started this and did the examination as calmly as he could around a broken heart.

When the physicals were done, they sat to talk about behaviour and Barnes answered every question easily and honestly and once it was complete, he was out the door without even a second glance of a goodbye.

Tony watched him go and let his tears fall.

He didn't know why he was so upset really. They hadn't been in a relationship and he'd been ashamed to have slept with him at first too. He put a hand to his mouth and sobbed. God he was pregnant though. He was pregnant with Barnes' baby and it all hadn't meant a thing.

 

.

 

Barnes continued to behave coldly toward him and Tony found himself avoiding the others much like he had before. He used every excuse he could; the Accords, Stark Industries, incursion-work. No one pressed him into revealing more, even when it was a little obvious when he lied at times, and he tried to stop reacting every time Barnes avoided his gaze.

A few weeks later however, when he came down to eat, Barnes was there with the others and he felt his legs lock and almost turn him back around. But he paid the bills and this was his home too, so he could have some goddamned breakfast if he wanted to.

He put some bread in the toaster and poured himself a cup of coffee, the back of his neck prickling from the silence behind him. They'd been talking before he'd arrived, he'd heard them.

He sat and bit into his plain toast with his eyes cast down, startling when Clint leant over into his personal space, "Should you be drinking that?" He whispered and Tony felt his cheeks burn from embarrassment. All these weeks he'd been good and he gets upset over one little thing and he forgets.

"No." He agreed, about to go and pour it away, when Clint snagged the mug and took a few sips.

"Thanks Stark." He said loudly now and Tony looked at him, noticed what he'd done, and went back to his breakfast. Wanda padded into the kitchen then, in a loose top that slid off her right shoulder and she perched atop a stool just as Vision followed her in.

"Good Morning you two," Rogers greeted her, smiling in a way that made Wanda give him a look, "Sleep well?"

"Very well, thank you Captain," Vision said, the implication going over his head.

Natasha snorted into her coffee and after that one remark, they dissolved into silence again. After a few more minutes of feeling Barnes radiating some burning scent however, Tony decided to screw it. It was his bills and his food yeah, but he wasn't enjoying it sitting here. He shifted to get up and leave when Wanda suddenly sighed loudly.

"Are we still being like this?" She asked the table before leaning forward to look at Tony across from Clint, "Congratulations Tony. I hope it's an omega."

Everything in him ran cold and he put his plate down, "Excuse me?" He asked, glancing at Rogers and noticing that he'd stopped eating and was staring at his plate like it could swallow him.

"Your baby," Wanda clarified and Clint cleared his throat loudly, "What?" She asked, "I thought we all knew about this." Barnes screeched his chair back, walking out of the kitchen, and Wanda watched him go with twin patches of pink filling her cheeks, "I - "

Tony stared at his hands, trying to process what had just happened, and when he looked back up at Rogers and saw him still sitting hunched over, he realised, "You told him," He breathed, barely able to get the words out.

Rogers clenched his jaw. "It's his baby Tony."

"You _told_ him." Tony stood now, aware of how upset he looked and not caring in the least right now because he didn't think he could be betrayed anymore by this man and yet every day, there was something new, "How could you - ?"

"He deserved to know." Rogers argued.

"That wasn't your decision!" Tony screamed at him, his throat grating, "You didn't get to make that decision! That was _my_ decision! _I_ was going to tell him and - "

"Tony ..." Rogers scoffed lightly, "You told me from your own mouth that you wouldn't tell him."

"How did you even know?" Tony demanded, looking at Natasha who threw her hands up like this was all some fun joke and she wanted no part in it.

"It fit." Rogers said, drawing his attention back, "I worked it out and it fit." Barnes had been curt to him since he'd woken. All these weeks he'd known.

"When?" Tony asked, "When did you tell him?"

"Two weeks into his cryo, I woke him up." Oh my God.

"I can't believe you," Tony said, shaking his head, in disbelief, "How could you do that?"

"It's _his_ baby Tony," Rogers said, "He had to know."

Tony stared at him, "How were we ever friends?" He asked, "How - I don't understand how we could ever have been friends." He felt his chest twist into something painfully tight and when his hands found his plate of toast, he was throwing it before he could even think. Rogers caught it, wide-eyed.

"Tony - "

Tony grabbed his knife and threw that too. And then his fork, and then his coffee. Sam stood and backed away to avoid getting splashed and Natasha grabbed Tony's arm to stop him from throwing anything else.

"Let go of me!"

"Stop it, Tony, be rational." She ordered and he yanked his arm out of her grip.

"Fuck you." She grabbed him again however, twisting his arm around and slamming a hand into his back, pushing him down onto the table. He sucked in a sharp breath when his stomach was pressed against the wood.

"Calm down," Natasha said in his ear, pressing into his body and he bit his lip, struggling to get out from under her, "Calm down and we'll tal - " Her weight flew off of him and he staggered upright, putting a hand to his stomach and swallowing hard.

Natasha was on the floor, getting up ready to fight and Barnes was in front of her.

"Get the hell off him," He snarled and Tony felt his face burn from a heap of emotions that he couldn't quite contain, the room spinning as he grew dizzy and struggled to catch his breath.

"He was throwing knives, I was defusing the situation," Natasha snapped and Tony pressed a hand to his throat, trying to force himself to breathe a little slower.

"And he's pregnant, so you push him on the table?" The look on Natasha's face suggested that she hadn't thought of that but when she turned to look at Tony, she didn't look sorry. She looked worried.

"Tony?" She took a step toward him and it was then that Tony heard himself gasping. Barnes literally bowled her over to get to him first, lifting Tony up into his arms and walking out into the hallway and toward the infirmary. From behind them, someone called for Helen Cho, but he didn't hear the rest of the conversation as he chose that moment to throw up.

He woke a few hours later to see Helen timing his pulse with her watch. His throat was so dry but she heard him try to speak anyway and looked down at him, "Bed rest, Tony," She ordered, "Two weeks. No excuses." She helped him sit up, giving him a glass of water to drink.

"What happened?" He asked once he could.

"You passed out," She answered, putting the glass down and giving him an encouraging smile, "Low blood pressure. Don't worry, very common with pregnancies. Though, you should really get a regular midwife by this point, for some better advice."

"I'm looking into it." He told her, looking around, "Baby's okay?"

She hummed, "They weren't too happy with you at first, but they're all quiet now." She plucked a small pot off of the bed's tray table and tossed it into his lap, "Try to take these, at least two a day."

"What are they?"

"Iron supplements." She tapped a chart on her folder, "You have mild anaemia. Again, very common, but don't let it get worse." She turned toward the door then and when she looked back her smile was gone, "You have visitors but given what I've been told before by Colonel Rhodes and now by Agent Barton, I didn't want to let them in without your permission."

He felt a rush of gratitude toward her, "Let Barnes in. No one else." They needed to talk.

"Barnes?" She asked, surprised as though Barnes was the last person he'd ask for. And from her perspective, he was, "And no one else?" She checked. He shook his head, wincing when a spike of pain jammed through it from the movement, and she frowned, "He can visit you tomorrow when you've rested." She said, pushing him into the pillows gently. "I'll make sure no one else gets in as well."

"No wait," He protested, "Pepper and Rhodey. And Happy. They can come in too."

She smiled, "Okay. Anyone else?" He shook his head again only to crack open an eye he hadn't even realised he'd closed.

"You can come too."

"Thank you," Her smile became a grin, "I appreciate that, Tony."

 

.

 

Barnes declined his offer to visit.

Rhodey was overseas in War Machine and couldn't be contacted and Tony hadn't wanted to disturb Pepper and Happy for a non-emergency. So he spent his two weeks bed-rest alone and used that time to be both bored out of his mind and to plan ahead.

It was clear by now that Barnes did not want this baby. And while that was a painful blow, Tony had half expected it and tried not to let it hurt so much. But this meant that he had to think some things through.

He didn't think he'd ever be able to trust Rogers again and that was going to be tough if they worked together on a team so that was also something to think on as well. He also wanted to be there for his baby and if he was not part of the team then he'd be doing this alone, and he didn't want to palm them off to a sitter all the time or end up becoming his father and neglect them.

And then there was the Accords. How could a baby fit into his schedule? Take out Avenging and Stark Industries and he still had mounds of time dedicated to something other than his child.

He had to formulate a plan before they were born and he needed something to work with. And luckily for him, Friday was a great listener.

Once he was freed from the infirmary, he went straight to his bedroom to freshen up and prepare himself to see the others after that disaster of a breakfast.

Rogers was already inside, however, waiting.

Well, he must have been waiting before because now he was looking through a notebook and was sitting on the edge of the bed. Tony watched him from the doorway for a few moments, his hands shaking.

"Nice to see my privacy has about as much respect as my trust does," He eventually said and Rogers put the notebook down slowly.

"It's not yours, it's mine," He said, "I knew I might have to wait a bit."

"Oh I was mistaken," Tony put a hand to his heart, "But I won't apologise for it. That's the team way, right?" He crossed over toward the wardrobe, opening it a little harder than he'd needed to, "And I was talking about you being in my room anyway."

"Tony listen," Rogers said, still sitting but clearly wanting to stand, "I want to talk."

"I don’t. Get out."

"Not until you listen. I made a mistake and I'm apologising for it."

"Yeah but see the thing is, Rogers," Tony turned to look at him, "You keep doing that. So I'm not really seeing a break from this pattern of yours and I'm not interested in hearing more." He pointed at the door. "So get out."

Rogers stood, his height the advantage to this conversation and the fact that he'd known that and had waited to use it, made Tony feel sick, "You slept with my best friend and I was _angry,_ Tony. I wanted to confirm it wasn't true but Bucky - he told me you had and I just told him, okay? I know I shouldn't have but knowing you were a hypocrite just - "

"I'm sorry, what?" Tony frowned at him, "A hypocrite? How does me sleeping with Barnes make me a hypocrite, I'm confused."

"You didn't want Bucky around," Rogers explained, like Tony was a child that barely knew right from wrong.

"So that makes me a hypocrite?" He nodded, "Right. Okay." He scoffed. "Let's analyse this."

"For God's sake Tony, can we just t - "

"So I didn't want him around right? I didn't want him around because the Soldier murdered my parents. But oh wait before that even, I didn't want him around because he was wanted for breaking out of detainment and attacking agents and myself. Oh and wait, wait. Before that even, I didn't want him around because he was responsible for a _terrorist_ attack. I worked on the information I had at the time, and maybe I was wrong, but I didn't want him around for those reasons and I still ended up living with him."

Rogers looked angry now, trying to talk over him, "Tony - "

"And I got to know him. So that opinion changed. And I was not exactly running around trying to find ways to get rid of him." He stepped forward, jabbing a finger into Roger's chest and watching as he glared, "So tell me, _Captain._ How the hell does that make me a hypocrite? Every damn time you apologise, you justify it with some bullshit and expect me to roll-over - "

"- that is _not_ what I expe - "

" - And if I don't, then _everyone_ hates me - "

" - No one hates you - !"

"- because Captain America can never be fucking wrong, no one can touch his _pet_ soldier and the whole world has to - " His head snapped to one side from the blow Rogers gave him. His lip stung and he blinked slowly at the wall he was now staring at.

"Tony," Rogers took his face in his hands, moving him around, "Oh God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that." Tony stared at him, "I'm so sorry."

"I make you angry?" Tony asked, his voice cracking, "Is that your justification this time?" Rogers let go of him, looking down, and Tony licked his bottom lip. It wasn't split which was a blessing but was still sore and throbbing. "I quit."

Rogers looked up, stricken, "Tony please. Listen to me."

He sighed, bone-tired all of a sudden, "What Rogers? This friendship is broken. I can't play on the field with you like this. I quit."

Rogers looked at him for a long while, the pleading leaving his eyes until he took in a deep breath and folded his arms across his chest, "Tony you're pregnant. You will need help with this baby, and we're here."

"I'll be fine alone thanks." Tony muttered, "I don't want my baby surrounded by lies as they grow up." He wiped at his face, "You know. One day, I might've forgiven you for what you did in Siberia. For not telling me." Rogers glanced away, "But after this. I don't think I ever can. I've always wanted a baby. I've always wanted a family." He scoffed at himself, "I used to think it was impossible but you took away my chance to at least _try."_

Rogers met his gaze, regret deep in his eyes.

"And you did it - because you were _angry_."

"I didn't think it would hurt you," Rogers insisted, "I never would have, in that case. I swear."

"I believe you," Tony said softly, "But that's not good enough. Now please. Get out."

"I'll get ice for your lip."

"It's fine, just _go."_

"At least let me - "

"Oh my god, I can't even get one request in, can I?" Rogers ran a hand through his hair, looking lost, and a knock at the door had them both looking away. Tony felt his face burn when he saw that it was Barnes standing there and watching them.

"Bucky," Rogers stepped away from Tony and took a step toward Barnes instead, "What's wr - ?"

"Can we talk Steve?" Rogers glanced at Tony just the once, then nodded.

"Sure. I'll just get some ice - " He cut himself off when Tony walked right past him and out of the room. He brushed past Barnes' shoulder on the way out but kept going, not looking back, and heading for his lab; the one place in the compound that could be put on lock-down and could give him some privacy.

As soon as he stepped inside however, Friday let him know that he had a call waiting and he wanted to slam his head against the nearest wall.

"Let them through," He said weakly, because only a few people had this number and that meant that this was likely important.

"Tony!" A crackled voice came through and Tony snapped his head up, "How are you?"

"How did you get this number?" Tony asked, scowling at nothing and feeling like the universe was laughing at the sheer exhaustion that he was feeling, "Who gave it to you?"

"Relax Tony, Jesus. It's not like I'm one of your supervillains."

"No one calls them supervillains, Morgan," Tony sighed, rubbing at his forehead, putting aside the fact that his cousin had somehow gotten a secure number of his for later, "What do you want?"

"Nice to talk to you too."

"It's never nice to talk to you, Morgan, now what in the hell do you want?" Tony snapped, "I don't have the time nor patience for this. Is it money? Do you need bail?"

"You know, I'm actually calling as a favour for _you_ , Tony." Morgan muttered angrily now, and Tony rolled his eyes, "A friend of mine owns a lodge in Cornwall. In England. And he's away for a few weeks."

"And this is a favour how?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well I'm house-sitting for him but I've got to do - something else." Morgan continued, "So I said my cousin could do it for me. I didn't mention who you were but I said you were reliable and that's all he wanted."

"Mmhm." Tony hummed, pursing his lips, "And who is he? A drug-dealer? An ex-AIM worker? Anyone that could give the Avengers bad press?"

"No!" He sounded far too affronted for it to be real. "His name's Marcus Porter. You can search him up, he's a legitimate businessman. He does software."

Tony had Friday search whilst he continued to listen, "So what is it then, Morgan? You owe him money and you want me to head over and pay this guy?"

"Tony, I _swear_ , I just want you to house-sit for this guy."

"And you couldn't find anyone but me to do it for you?"

"No one else wanted to."

"Really." Tony scoffed. "A nice lodge in Cornwall? Who doesn't - ?" He paused, thinking back. Where had he heard Cornwall mentioned recently? He turned in his chair, bringing up the incursion events and finding Cornwall as the 4th from the bottom. Not a big one but not small either, "... an incursion is unlikely to occur in the same place twice, Morgan."

"You know that for sure?" Morgan drawled, not concerned at all that Tony had figured out why he didn't want to house-sit in the area.

"Pretty sure, yeah."

"Well I'm not risking it."

But he wanted Tony to. He rolled his eyes before being distracted by an image Friday brought up of the lodge that this Marcus Porter owned. It was beside a lake about an hour away from a beach, and was beautifully furnished. More importantly however, it was completely isolated.

He looked at the security cameras and saw that Barnes and Rogers still talking just outside his room.

A second incursion in the same place was unlikely and he could really use a break away from all of this to do some thinking. If Morgan was being honest and that was the only reason he didn't want to stay, then why not? He was due maternity leave in a month now but if he promised to conference whilst abroad, he could probably wrangle an early start to it instead.

He barely noticed that Morgan was still talking, still trying to convince him, when he interrupted, "Okay."

" - and it's not like you haven't got any Avenger-idiots around who couldn't - "

"I said _okay,_ Morgan." Tony emphasised.

"You did?"

 _"Yes._ Now get off the phone, delete this number, and sort your life out." He hung up, "Friday, block every contact number I have for Morgan for the foreseeable future please."

"Sure Boss. Would you like the same done on your personal calls as well?"

"All of them Friday, I don't want him calling me unannounced again."

"Would you like me to personalise a voice-message for when his call is blocked?" Tony smiled as he analysed the information she'd brought up about Marcus Porter.

"Sure, why not. Make it bitchy."

"Wouldn't have done anything else, boss." And strangely enough, his AI's sarcasm managed to cheer him up.

 

.

 

A few days later, he was packed and on a private jet to England, where he'd hired a car to drive out into Cornwall. He hadn't told Rogers that he was leaving, mainly because he'd said he'd quit so he technically didn't have to, and also because he wanted to see if he'd panic or even care about where he was.

He knew Clint was aware, having not exactly hidden it from him, so if Rogers did lose his head he could find his location pretty easily. For now, however, he tried to focus on getting to the lodge and relaxing a little. He'd automatically called the Board to ask permission for his travel before remembering that this was a personal visit abroad and he had no reason to. Still, he managed to get an early start to his maternity-leave via the call, so he hadn't felt too stupid about it.

Once he arrived in England, it felt like he'd not left the US at all at first; the weather was just as hot. He remembered reading on the news about a brief heat wave that the UK was experiencing and he wondered if the incursions were responsible or if it was just global warming. He put it on his mental list to look at and slid his sunglasses on.

The car was waiting for him as soon as he stepped off of the plane and his bags were loaded into the trunk. Once he had the keys, he left the plane and followed Friday's directions to the lodge, rattling down country-lanes and narrow strips of road until he finally saw a sign leading toward the lake.

There was hardly anyone around as he drove, only a few dog-walkers and the occasional biker, and when he saw the lodge appear over the next hill that he drove over, he realised why.

There was a huge crater in what had once been the lake and it’s water had been completely dried up. Old police-tape flapped in the wind and cracks in the ground threatened to burst his tires as he drove over them. He stopped in an intact parking slot and stepped out of the car to get a closer look.

There was a warning sign that had toppled into the hole with the words 'CAUTION: EARTHQUAKES IN THE AREA' and there were hundreds of dead fish lying over burnt sediment.

He hugged himself, the area chillier than the rest of the places that he'd driven through, and as he turned toward the lodge he saw a man standing in the doorway watching him and almost bit his tongue in surprise.

"Uh. … Mr Porter?" He tried, walking back toward the car just in case this had been a scheme of Morgan's after all and he needed to get back in and quickly drive out of here, "Morgan Stark sent me."

 _"You're_ the cousin?" The man asked, stepping off of the porch and bounding down the stairs toward him, "But you're Tony Stark!"

Tony gave him a half-smile, "I am."

"I mean, I knew you had the same surname, but - " He shook his head, "I thought he was joking."

Morgan had obviously lied when he'd said he hadn't told Porter who he was, "How long have you been here alone?"

"I - well I moved back in a month ago," Porter said, "The police wouldn't let us before but it's safe now apparently. I'm the only one who thought so though, and obviously the only idiot, because the other day there was another of those quakes nearby and it spooked me. Morgan's an old friend and when he said he knew an Avenger, well … “

"Why do you need an Avenger, Mr Porter?" Tony asked coolly, now more than aware that he was not here to house-sit at all, and feeling his dreams of relaxation vanish.

"I just thought, while I'm away for my safety, that you lot could figure out what's causing it?"

He'd been trying to do that for months now and two weeks in a lodge was not going to magically make it happen.

"Could I have the keys, Mr Porter?"

"Oh - yes. One moment." He bent and pat his trouser legs before unzipping a pocket just above his knee. He pulled free a set of keys and handed them over, "Square one is the boat, shiny is the house and the Timpson one is for the back doors." He smiled, "Feel free to use the hot-tub." Tony smiled back but didn't say anything, "Well. I'll leave it in your hands. Thank you for doing this. I appreciate it."

"Sure." Tony murmured, watching as Mr Porter ran back into his lodge, grabbed a rucksack, and went around the corner. A few minutes later, he drove past in a Land Rover and he was gone over the hill. Tony opened the car door and sat back inside, slumping down over the seat and staring up at the sky.

"So Trouble," He put a hand on his stomach and sighed,  "What do I do now?"

In the end, he simply went about heaving his bags into the lodge and putting them in the nearest bedroom before going to make himself a cup of coffee. He drank a glass of water whilst he waited for the kettle to boil, having found no coffee machine in sight, and the only coffee in the lodge being Instant. He should have thought to bring his own but it was too late now.

It was as he was pouring it in a mug that he remembered _why_ he hadn't brought any however, and he dumped it into the sink angrily, drinking his water and frowning at himself.

The lodge was quiet at least, and he sat on one of it's sofas and stared out of the huge glass windows at the forest that surrounded the lake. After a while, he realised that he'd zoned out and took out his tablet to do some work. Friday's mainframe was limited way out here but when he plugged in a booster, she managed to create a miniature hologram studio and he started to use it whilst sitting down.

So far, each incursion had occurred in isolated or sparsely populated areas, with a few exceptions. There had been no pattern that he'd been able to find so far and the only similarities were the drops in temperature and the craters.

He pulled up his list of incursions, going through them one-by-one to see if either of them had any significant differences, though he'd done this too many times already. He was just looking at Poland's when Friday sent him an alert however, and he refocused his attention on that.

"What am I looking at, Fri?"

"News alert from Poland, boss," She said, "Came through at 1800 hours." He glanced at the clock and saw the time at 6:54, "Missing persons report around the area of the incursion. It was reported late because the family assumed they were with their alpha but now the alpha has reported them missing and claimed he assumed the family was keeping them apart."

"Family dramas." Tony muttered, well aware of his own dramas back at the compound and sighing, "So they've been missing since the incursion?"

"It would seem so Boss."

He read through the alert himself, biting his lip. If someone had been missing that long during a quake, it was possible that they could be dead. And that would make their first death via an incursion. He quickly patched himself through to Rogers, public need trumping anything personal. The call rang 3 times before he picked up.

"Tony?" His face appeared on the scene and he glanced around, "Where are you?"

"Cornwall, England. But that's not important right now. I - "

"Why are you in _Cornwall?"_ Rogers sounded bewildered.

"Because." Tony snapped, "Now anyway. You remember the incursion in Poland?"

Rogers blinked, his bewilderment turning into attention, "Yes?"

"Well a missing persons report just came through for the area. Apparently they've been missing since the incursion." He swiped a hand through the hologram, "I'm sending it to you for you to look at and I'll get permission for travel. You should check it out, see if you can find them."

Rogers frowned, "A missing person for that long - "

"Is probably dead, yeah," Tony agreed, "But either way, we need to know. And if the incursion killed them, then ... well. We need to know."

"Okay." Rogers' eyes scanned over something else, likely the alert that he'd now received, "I'll take Clint and Sam with me, they went the last time."

"I'll get permission for you three and send it over as soon as I can," Tony said, "Don't leave without it - " There was a knock at the door and he paused, turning toward it.

"What is it?" Rogers asked, sounding concerned by whatever expression he could see on Tony's face.

"Nothing. Someone's at the door, that's all." Mr Porter, maybe?

"Who?"

"Not sure, but it doesn't matter." He turned to the screen again, "I'll be in touch."

"Wait - Tony! Where are you?" Rogers quickly said before he hung up.

"A lodge in Cornwall, Rogers," Tony told him, "Ask Clint." He hung up then, getting a repulsor glove out just in case and heading toward the door. Another knock sounded and he opened it, seeing Mr Porter standing there.

He looked flustered and was wringing his hands when Tony looked at him.

"I'm so sorry," He said as soon as the door was open wide enough, "I forgot one of my bags." He gestured, "May I?"

"Oh - of course." Tony stepped aside, watching as he went into one of the rooms that he hadn't seen yet and came blundering out with another bag. He went back into his car then, rolling down the window and shouting out of it.

"It's all yours now, I promise!" Tony just absently waved a hand at him and watched him drive away a second time.

He locked the door this time, his heart suddenly making itself known by beating hard, and he realised that he'd actually been scared. He put it down to being used to Morgan fucking him over but when he sat back down again and his hand found his stomach, he knew that it was because of his baby. He didn't want anything to happen to them and if that had been anyone else, they could have been hurt. He felt stupid for coming here all alone now but didn't know who he could call to stay with him.

Trying to force these fears out of mind, he sent a detailed email to the Board to ask for permission and waited for an answer as he started fixing himself some dinner. An answer came around two hours later and he immediately sent it to Rogers, putting his head on the side of the sofa and curling up over it once he had. The TV remote was within reach and he fell asleep to the sound of some random movie that he'd selected with only one eye open.

There was a click that echoed and he startled awake. It must have been a few hours after he'd napped, because it was now completely dark and he had to blink a few times to be sure that his eyes were actually open. He'd left the curtains loose and there was only blackness around him, with no light coming in from the moon or stars at all, and when he squinted around the room he suddenly bizarrely missed his reactor. At least he'd been able to see with it around, regardless of the pain it had caused.

Once his eyes had adjusted, he yawned and went to stand and switch on the light, only to freeze when a large shadow shifted and he could make out what looked like a dark figure watching him from the corner.

Several thoughts ran through his head and he had no idea where his repulsor-glove was now that he actually needed it and another minute he'd probably have been panicking, but the figure moved then and the lights were turned on. He winced from the brightness, ready to run or fight if need be, but when he recognised Barnes' combat gear and finally managed to see his face through his half-closed eyes, he felt his fear turn into anger.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He snapped, standing to try and find out how Barnes had even gotten inside. Barnes watched him pace around, his arms folded across his chest.

"Steve said you were all alone in some lodge and that someone was trying to break in." He explained and Tony rolled his eyes.

"It was the owner, for Christ's sake," He spat, "And why did he send _you?"_

Barnes shrugged, seemingly fine with Tony’s spiteful tone, "Clint and Sam were with him on a mission and he figured you wouldn't be happy to see Natasha."

"I'm not happy to see you either." Tony let him know.

"Well it was either me or Natasha."

"Well, I would have preferred Natasha."

"Well you got me!" Barnes threw his hands up with a reaction finally, turning away and shutting the curtains hard enough that it's rail rattled precariously.

"Well you can go!" Tony yelled back, tripping over a duffel bag that Barnes must have brought with him and kicking it aside, only to bite back a cry when his bare foot hit something ridiculously hard. He hopped on his leg for a moment, his anger heightening when his toes throbbed with pain, "Fuck."

"That's probably my rifle." Barnes said, walking past and bending to move the duffel bag to the table.

Tony glared at him, "Who gave you permission to travel anyway?"

"It's not Avengers business, I didn't need it."

Dammit it. "I ... will give you that." He collapsed onto the sofa, crossing his leg over the other to inspect his now bright red foot. Barnes walked around the lodge as he did, opening cupboards and doors and checking everything through, "I did all that already," Tony lied. He was ignored.

Barnes then pulled out some strange looking tube from one of his pockets and sprayed it around the living space. It _stank_ and Tony put a hand over his mouth and nose in disgust, "What is _that?"_ He asked.

"Gas detector."

"Oh my _god,_ use one of mine," He gagged behind his hand, "It's odourless."

"I've used this for years," Barnes said, the smell not affecting him as far as Tony could tell, "Never failed me."

He seemed satisfied with whatever he could see or smell, and put the tube away. The smell was still suffocating however and Tony rose to leave the room only to feel bile fill his throat. He stopped, forcing it down, but when he automatically breathed in through his nose to calm himself down, he threw it up anyway.

"Ugh." He stepped around the mess he’d made, grabbing a tissue from the roll in the kitchen and wiping at his mouth. The smell seemed to follow him even here however, so he threw up a second time, managing to reach the sink this time, "Open a window." He begged and a second later, he felt a chilly breeze run over his back.

Barnes then grabbed the nearest dishcloth and tossed it over the pile of sick on the carpet, "You got something to take for that?" He asked and Tony washed his mouth out before answering.

"It's not morning sickness you idiot," He said, "It's your fucking gas detector."

"It's not that bad." Tony just rolled his eyes, walking around the table and heading for the bedroom that he'd put his bags in. Barnes was probably going to stick around as long as he stayed and he hadn’t the energy to argue with him or force him out. His nap had left him even more exhausted than he’d been before he’d had it and that bed was calling his name.

He shut the door after him, went into the bathroom to wash his face clean, and then started to strip to sleep.

The door opened from behind him however, and he dropped his shirt to turn and push Barnes out, "I'm going to b - " He started to say when his waist was suddenly grabbed and he was pulled into a hard chest and kissed.

The hand that he’d lifted to shove Barnes away fell flat against the combat jacket and he curled his fingers in, his eyes sliding shut as the kiss deepened. Barnes stepped forward, his hands rising over Tony’s bare skin, but when he brushed over his stomach he pulled away like he’d been burnt.

Tony stumbled back, letting out a shuddering breath and staring up at him, “What - ?"

“I’m sorry.” Barnes shook his head at himself, turning to leave, and Tony snapped himself out of his trance and grabbed his arm, “Don’t, Stark.”

He ignored the use of his surname and held on, “What is this?” He asked softly, “I get you don’t want the baby okay. I get it. But … what is _this?”_

Barnes shut his eyes. “It’s nothing.” But Tony lifted his hands up to cup his face, turning it toward him and leaning up to kiss him again. Barnes’ lips were a thin line against his but when Tony’s hands trailed down his cheeks and to his neck and started to unzip his jacket, he parted them as well and put his own hands back on Tony’s waist.

Tony kissed him in spurts, glancing down so he could see what he was doing with that damned zip, and his own jeans were pulled down to his ankles. He stepped out of them, sitting on the edge of the bed and yanking Barnes down with him.

“Easy,” Barnes murmured into his mouth, “I could crush you.”

“Not really.” Tony murmured back, “You’re not exactly André the Giant. You’ve just got - “ He ran his hands over Barnes’ bare skin, “A lot of muscle.”

“I actually miss my old figure,” Barnes admitted, lifting Tony up so easily and laying him further down the bed, “But I do like being able to do this to you.”

“Yeah, well. A couple months in and you might not be able to,” Tony joked, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut as soon as he registered what he’d said. Barnes stopped as well, looking down at him and the both of them sat up together, separating. Tony drew his knees up, hugging them as best he could without feeling uncomfortable around his bump, and he blew out his cheeks.

A second ago they were about to have sex and now the room felt chillier than the outside lake did.

“I think we should talk.” He eventually said and Barnes sighed, looking away for a moment before finally nodding.

"Yeah."

“In the morning though.” Tony continued, “I should go to bed. I need to work on figuring out these incursions and a lack of sleep won’t help.”

“Sure.” Barnes stood, gesturing behind him, “I’ll be in the room beside this, if you need me.”

Tony just nodded, watching him leave with a pang, and then sliding under the blankets and staring up at the ceiling. He felt his arousal slowly begin to dissipate but with it gone he felt cold. The coldness spread as he lay there and he willed himself to sleep, rolling over and hugging the only pillow he wasn't using.

.

When he next woke it was morning, and he got dressed as soon as he was fully alert. He’d brought his comfy clothes for his stay here and regretted it now that he wasn’t alone but there wasn’t much else he could wear. He tried to find anything decent but in the end, just had to pull on an oversized sweater and leggings instead of shorts from how chilly he still felt, padding out of the room barefoot. 

Barnes was in the kitchen and smiled when he saw him, “The hell are you wearing?”

“The hell are you wearing?” Tony snapped back, looking at the awfully-striped t-shirt that Barnes had on over his black jeans.

“Spare clothes in the bedroom.” He said, pointing to the room that he must have slept in. The shirt was hideous but somehow, he knew it would have only suited Porter. “I made you breakfast.”

He presented a plate of eggs and toast proudly, his face falling when Tony kept his face bare and stoic. He sighed then, pulling a seat out to sit on.

“Okay,” He gestured Tony sit too and after a few seconds, he did, “You wanted to talk.”

“I’ll eat the eggs while you explain,” Tony said, pulling the plate towards his side of the table and plucking a fork from the cutlery mug that sat in the centre. He was starving.

“Explain?” Bucky asked for clarification.

“Explain why you’ve been so hot and cold.” Tony said, “Explain what you _want._ Or - don’t want in this case. Just be honest so we can clear this out.” He poked at the eggs with his fork, “Please.”

Barnes sighed again, folding his arms over the table and frowning, "Completely honest." He half-stated, half-checked, and Tony nodded, "You sure about that?"

"I don't want tension." Tony said, pouring himself some juice that Barnes must have put in a jug, "Just tell me what you want from me."

"Okay," Barnes sat back, clenching his jaw, "I want you to get rid of the baby."

Tony blinked, "What?"

"I want you to get rid of it." Barnes repeated, "You've got time, I researched."

Tony stared at him. He'd expected him to say that he hadn't wanted it, or that he was sorry, or he was angry or whatever. But being asked to abort his baby had surprisingly not been one of his possible scenarios.

"Why?" He asked softly, wanting to understand. He'd gotten to know Barnes quite well through their appointments and he remembered one such one where he'd mentioned an omega that he'd been 'sweet on' back before War and how he'd wanted to have children with them. So it wasn't the fact that he didn't want children at all. So did he just not want them with Tony? But why should Tony have to abort the child in that case? He could raise it alone if he had to, it's not like he needed child-support.

Different answers and reasons raced through his mind as he sat there but when Barnes looked up and met his gaze, he still felt his heart jump at an answer he really hadn't been expecting.

"Because it'll be evil."

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this was going to be 2 chapters I swear, but then I wanted to be angsty. Sorry!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Trigger Warning for discussion of child death.**

.

“Because it’ll be evil.”

For a moment, Tony hadn’t been sure he’d heard right. A million thoughts ran through his mind, a million reasonings or comforts, but all he managed to actually say was a stammering question of, “I – wh – what do you mean, evil?”

Barnes just looked at him, his eyes dark in the shadow of the sun from the windows, and suddenly Tony knew.

“Is this because of Hydra?” He asked, “Because of what they did to you?” He wasn’t answered but that was answer enough, “Because whatever you think, the baby won’t – ”

“I’m still under Hydra’s control,” Barnes cut him off, “You know that better than anyone. What happens if that spreads?”

“Spreads?” Tony raised his eyebrows as he spoke, “James, the only thing this baby will inherit from you are your _genes_. Your hair colour, your eyes, your stupid square chin, not – ”

“The serum?” Barnes said over him, his voice light despite the fire in his eyes. Tony met his gaze, sitting back, and only then did he realise how he’d automatically shifted with an instinct that he hadn’t known he’d had. He’d been close to putting his hand on Barnes’ arm, to comfort him.

“Fine,” He acknowledged, “The serum can be inherited. But only around a possible 40%, or less, will pass on through a non-serumed mother.” He narrowed his eyes, “And the serum itself isn’t inherently evil.” He continued, “ _Hydra_ used your strength against you, not the serum.”

“Tell that to the Hulk.” Barnes quipped and Tony gave him a look.

“That is a completely different scenario,” He admonished, “The Hulk was created via an influx of gamma radiation and experimentation with a wholly different strain of the serum. Bruce’s situation is miles away from yours.” He scooped a pile of his now mangled fried eggs into his mouth, swallowing, “And as for Hydra still having control over you, B.A.R.F has stopped that in it’s tracks, we’ve been working together on this – ”

“It’s not been good enough!” Barnes slammed a hand down on the table and Tony paused, “You don’t understand. You don’t know what it’s like to always feel it, to have it there. Always in the back of your mind, like a needle pushing through my brain, just trying to get back in. You saw yourself how easy it was for Zemo to take me over.”

“B.A.R.F hadn’t been used then.” Tony countered.

“It won’t matter,” Barnes said, resigned, “It’ll still work on me, no matter what I do or where I go.” He glared, “And you want me to have a _baby?_ Christ. They’d make me kill it.”

Tony felt cold at that and his eyes warmed in contrast. He excused it as hormones and glanced away to compose himself, “Why would Hydra make you kill your child?” He asked, slowly, “Wouldn’t they’d want to use it? Against you, as it’s father, or as a future assassin if they could train it.”

“They’d kill it because it’s what they do.” Barnes said, so sure of himself that that chill Tony felt deepened and he suddenly lost his appetite.

“How do you know.” He murmured and Barnes stood, walking from the table and staring out the nearest window. “James.” He prompted, gently, “Why are you so sure?”

He didn’t get an answer but he knew what it was now, anyway. He swallowed, biting his tongue for a moment, before finally whispering, “… who were they?” He saw Barnes stiffen and then relax, his eyes following a bird fly over the lake past the lodge, “James?”

There was a pause between them that felt like hours, the silence seeping into every part of the lodge until even the pipes stopped their creaking. Neither of them moved, until eventually, Barnes spoke again.

“Her name was Anita Mard.” He said, “She had information and my mission was to befriend her. I wasn’t always sent to kill. Sometimes I was sent to steal.” He paused then, visibly remembering that Tony knew this, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Tony whispered, letting him continue and after bowing his head, he did.

“My mind was filled with all her favourite things, making it quick for me to get her into bed.” He left the window then, returning to the table and pressing his fists to his mouth, leaning on his elbows, “I stabbed her once I was done, took the files she’d gathered and left.” He sighed, “I should have made sure she was dead. I usually did. But she survived. And she was pregnant.”

Tony looked at him, “Hydra found out.”

“They took her. Kept her until she came to term.” His knuckles were white, bloodless now, and Tony acted on that same instinct from before and lay one of his own hands atop of Barnes’, “Once the baby was born, they had the same idea you’d said they’d have. Only – I loved it. Him.” He inhaled slowly, a rattling puff of air through his nose, “Joffrey.”

It started to rain, outside, the patter of drops hitting the windows and running down the glass in an ironic rhythm of drama.

“And they didn’t like that.” Tony guessed and Barnes scoffed.

“They loved it.” He said, “Perfect threat. Until I tried to get him out. Then he became a test of loyalty.” Tony didn’t press him from there. He knew how this ended and that chill he had wouldn’t dissipate when he started to imagine it.

Hydra had made him kill his own baby, to test that they had control no matter how open James’ heart became toward another human being. They made him kill a child.

“They took my memories.” James continued, his eyes tellingly dry, “But they let me remember Joffrey. And his mother.”

“To make sure you never tried again.” James nodded, “I’m so sorry.”

“It was 1985.” He said, as though that rid the trauma and grief that he must feel, “Years ago.”

Tony swallowed, unsure of what to say or how to comfort the man in front of him, so instead he settled on questions, “Are you more afraid the child will be evil, or that you’d have to kill it?”

James shifted back, his hands sliding out of Tony’s, “I loved that baby,” He said, “And I still killed him. Crushed his skull like it was a clay ball.” Tony shut his eyes at the image that brought, “The _serum_ is what made me capable of that and this baby will have that too.”

“40% – ”

“That’s still something!” James yelled, “Jesus, Tony, don’t you get it? Hydra did it to me, they can do it to someone else too.”

“I will never let Hydra anywhere near this baby.” Tony told him, his voice firm and low, “I’d die first.”

James sat back, putting a hand over his eyes, “And what if I’m the Hydra coming after your baby?” He asked.

“You won’t be.”

“B.A.R.F isn’t tested, you told me yourself.” James said, his voice hot with anger now, “I’m the first. There’s no protocol. You said so _yourself._ ”

“And that was true.” Tony said, “There isn’t a protocol, and there’s only one way to be sure it’s worked, you’re right. But I know you won’t.”

James stared at him, “And you’re willing to risk it.” It wasn’t a question.

“You’re stronger than you were with Hydra.” Tony explained, “Mentally. Zemo took you over because you hadn’t let yourself recover. You’d just run.”

“What was I supposed to have done?” James snapped, “Turn myself in?”

“I’m not saying you were wrong to run,” Tony said, “But your mind is stronger now you’ve let yourself recover. If he tried now – ”

“It would still work.” James spoke over him, “You’re not getting it. Hydra is never going to leave me and no baby will be safe with me. Ever.”

“I don’t believe you.” Tony told him and James looked at him like he was crazy, “I think you’re just scared of seeing a baby again.”

He was sneered at. “I’ve seen plenty of babies since.”

“But not one that’s yours.” Tony put a hand on his stomach, fully aware of how James followed his hand with his gaze and slumped a little back, “Not one you made.”

“I don’t understand why you think this is a good idea,” James said, “You’re supposed to be smart.”

“I am smart.” Tony countered, “But I’m also not willing to abort just because you don’t believe you can fight Hydra off.” He rubbed the spot over his stomach that he’d rested his hand on as he spoke, “And if I’m willing to try and willing to _risk_ it, I’m surprised that doesn’t tell you everything about how sure I am about this.”

Shaking his head slowly, James sat up a little straighter, folding his arms across his chest, “Okay. Fine. Let’s take Hydra’s control out of the equation then.” He said, “You and me. You really want to raise a baby together? With all our history?”

He wasn’t so sure about that himself but at least the conversation had veered from the baby dying. “We don’t have to be together.” He said and James smiled, wryly.

“So you’d raise it alone.”

“No.” Tony slid his hand off of his stomach, “Obviously I’d need help occasionally. But that doesn’t have to be from you.”

“So I wouldn’t be a part of it’s life?” He asked and Tony clicked his tongue against his teeth. What the hell did he want here?

“If you want to be, then of course you can. But we don’t have to raise it like a family.” He explained, “If you don’t want to.”

“But you do want to.” James said and once again, that wasn’t a question.

Tony swallowed, sucking his lower lip in with his teeth at the reminder that more often than not, he didn’t get what he wanted, “I – ” He started to deny it but James was quicker.

“You told Steve you’ve always wanted a family.” He said and Tony paused.

“That was a private conversation.” He murmured and James’s face hardened.

“It stopped being private the minute he hit you.” He bit and Tony glanced away, “And he won’t ever do that again.”

“I can fight my own battles.” He said, “And if you saw him hit me, you were listening anyway.”

“I came to find you actually, and the first thing I saw was him hitting you.” James countered and Tony glared at him.

“Right.” He scoffed, “So after avoiding me for weeks, telling me you didn’t give a shit, _ignoring_ my request to see you when I was in bedrest, you decided to come find me.” James glanced down at the table, “And just so happened to arrive with that perfect timing.”

“I’d call it perfect timing _seconds_ before he lifted a hand toward you.” James argued and Tony pushed himself to his feet, heading to the sink to pour a glass of water to try and help cool him down.

“Because you’re a different breed of alpha, aren’t you.” He muttered as he did, “Never hit an omega but you’ll break one’s heart.”

“I’ve done more than hit,” James said, his voice cold, “I’ve killed.”

“As the Soldier, not you,” Tony snapped, spinning toward him, “And that’s what pisses me off about you. You have this huge cavern of guilt and you use it to excuse behaviour no one else would get away with.”

“I think State prisons would disagree.” James scoffed, standing himself now and facing him.

“That no one else would get away with, with _me,”_ Tony corrected, “You know I actually liked you?” He asked, “I tried not to and it hurt that I did, but I really liked you. I forced myself to look past the Soldier, and everything he’s done, so I could find James Barnes and get to know him. I was _ashamed_ when I slept with you but at myself and because I didn’t hate it. I didn’t hate you.”

James stood still, listening, and if it weren’t for the flare of his nostrils every time he took a breath, he could have been a statue. And that just pissed Tony off more.

“I worked hard to throw all that anger aside. And as soon as I got the courage to tell you about this baby, you threw it in my face with how you really felt.” His voice started to spiral, grating against his throat, and he gasped between every four words with a struggle to not cry, “You avoided me and then turned up here and told me to abort this baby just because you’re scared. And yes, okay. I want a family, I want this baby, and I wanted to try but – ” He wavered, his tears evident in his tone despite his attempts to hide them, “But if all those sessions and all that time wasn’t really you, and was just what I wanted to hear, then – then I don’t know. I – ”

He cut himself off when James took a step toward him, his tears driving him into honesty he’d denied even himself, “You hurt me.” He whispered, “And I want to hate you for it.” And then suddenly there were hands cupping his face and he was being kissed.

James crowded him into the sink and kitchen counter behind him, mouthing over his lips like he’d wanted nothing else this entire conversation. Tony kissed him back, a complete contrast to his rant, and he let himself be lifted by that metal arm and taken to the sofa.

James lay him over it, propping himself above and kissing his lips, cheeks and neck.  

“I thought if I was an asshole,” He said, between kisses, “You’d realise you couldn’t have a baby with me.”

“You’re an idiot.” Tony breathed, hands in his hair and arousal tingling down his spine.

“I wanted to drive you away.”

“You’re an idiot.” Tony repeated, using the grip he had on James’ hair to tug him forward, kissing him harder.

“Because of me – you’re at odds with your team.” James said, one hand under Tony’s shirt, “I’ve only been out weeks at a time but I noticed.”

“Strangers on the street would have noticed,” Tony argued, “And it’s not all because of you. Rogers has a huge hand in it.”

“To save me.” James reminded him and Tony smiled.

“He had plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth,” He said, “And he gave Zemo the opportunity he had, by lying like he did. None of this would have happened if Zemo hadn’t had the perfect key to split us.”

“And you and Steve would still be close.” James said, almost agreeing.

“You jealous?” Tony quipped, irritated by their talking when his body was burning with need. James’ answer was to take his sweater off and lick a stripe up from his collarbone to the back of his ear. He hissed behind his teeth at the sensation, gripping the horrid shirt that James had on tight enough to rip.

“You said I broke your heart.” James murmured into his ear, his hands working fast between them in an attempt to unbutton his combat trousers, “I didn’t know I’d had it.”

Tony wrapped his arms around his neck, arching up, “Just shut up and fuck me.” And James did.

Three long hours later, they lay over the sofa with a throw blanket James had dug up out of the bedroom cupboards. James lay behind him, an arm around his waist and a hand resting on his naked stomach. Tony rest both his own over his, fingers tapping a mindless beat as he stared at the blank television, watching their reflections.

“What is wrong with us?” He whispered to the air and James hummed, shifting and holding him tighter, “We’ve never even finished an argument.” He sighed, his hands slipping off of James’, “You were right. How will this work?” He tried not to focus on how James still cupped his stomach without his own hands keeping him there, “You’re Rogers’ best friend.”

“That’s the main worry?” James asked, dryly, “It’s not much of one, considering I’d rather demote to just _friend_ with how he’s been acting lately.” Tony twisted his head around to look at him, “Even before he hit you,” He added, “When he first told me … about the baby. He said some things.”

Tony looked at him, “About me?”

“Not all of them.” There was a forced lightness in his voice that had Tony pushing back into his arms a little more, “Though in fairness to him, what he said were my own fears too.”

“It’s different when someone else uses them.” Tony murmured, “But Rogers wasn’t the only worry anyway. We – do we even work?” His eyes started to hurt from the strain they had, making him turn away again and face the television, “I feel like we just argue. And then have sex. … and then argue again.”

“It’s never been about us.”

Tony paused, “What do you mean?”

“Our arguments. They’ve never been about us,” James shifted again behind him, his thumb drawing circles around Tony’s barely present bellybutton, “They’ve always been about everyone else and what they’d all think.”

“That’s not – ”

“If I was just some guy,” James stopped him, “Just some guy Steve knew. No Soldier, no Hydra, no Civil War, nothing. What would you say then?”

Wriggling around, Tony tried to face him but the arm around him was firm and he let himself give up quickly, if only to not lose the warmth behind him, “I don’t honestly know,” He admitted, “I mean – you’re hot, yes. I’m attracted to you, I like you, but.” He shrugged slowly and felt a soft kiss brush against the back of his neck.

“I’m not asking for your hand in marriage,” James explained, “I mean. What would you say to me, asking you out.”

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think.” Tony snorted, “Considering how I’m almost 19 weeks pregnant with your baby. A baby you don’t want.”

“We’re ignoring everything else in this scenario.” James told him and he sighed.

“Well baby stays in every scenario because, I’m sorry, but it’s staying.” He felt the hand on his stomach stop it’s stroking and shut his eyes, “What if we tested it?” He asked, catching the blanket when it started to slip down his shoulders.

“Tested it?”

“B.A.R.F.” He clarified, “Words trigger the control, right? What if we tested that in a controlled environment? I’ll play a recording of Zemo using it against you and we’ll see how you fare.”

“A controlled environment.” James repeated, unimpressed, “That glass box I was in with Zemo couldn’t hold me back.”

“Well that wasn’t designed by me.” Tony reminded him, “And like I told you before. I’m very smart. And I’m willing to try this out … for you.”

James didn’t say anything for a while and Tony hoped that that was because he was contemplating the idea and not simply thinking of another reason why he shouldn’t have this child. He knew he was afraid, saying the child would be evil, or Hydra would turn him again, were excuses for a man terrified of being given a baby of his own a second time. Which was probably why he was so determined to try and keep him in the baby’s life.

If it came down to it, he’d raise his child alone, but only when he was absolutely sure that James didn’t want it. Right now, he felt this indecisive love, and he wasn’t going to let go of it just yet.

The hand over his stomach resumed it’s stroking and James slid a leg between both of Tony’s, pulling him in closer, “How soon could you test it?” He asked and Tony smiled.

“As soon my time in this lodge is up.” He said, “I need to work on figuring out those incursions, first. And it’s not like we haven’t got plenty of time.” He put his own hand on his stomach then, “I’m only – ”

“19 weeks yeah.” James finished for him and Tony hoped he wouldn’t mention the time-limit for abortion again, only to blink sharply at a prod from his stomach. James jerked his hand back like he’d been shocked, and Tony exhaled loudly with a hand at his throat.

“Did you – ?”

James put his hand back where it was, tapping again, and both of them physically reacted to another jab from inside Tony’s stomach. Eyes warm, Tony’s smile widened and the hand by his throat slid up to press against his mouth.

“Oh my God.” It was muffled, half a sob, and he laughed when James tapped a third time to get a response from the baby within.

“He’s copying me.” He said, soft disbelief in his voice, “Does it hurt?”

Tony shook his head, “No. It just – feels like you poking me, but from inside instead.” James sat up and with his support gone, Tony fell back, staring up at him and shutting his eyes when his face was grabbed and he was kissed.

James’ eyes were alive when he stared down at Tony’s belly afterward, light dancing in them, and Tony laughed again; soft and beyond happy.

“See.” He said, “It’s just a baby.” He took James’ hand in his own, laying it over his skin, “He wants to meet you.”

And then, for the first time since meeting him, Tony saw James with tears from joy not guilt, “He does?” He asked, like a child, and at Tony’s nod he gathered  him up into his arms and held him.

Tony held him back, still smiling, only for them to rip apart when an alert whistled through the area. James stood immediately, all joy gone, and he braced for whatever was causing that sound, completely focused.

Tony stood as well, the blanket falling to the floor, and it was then that he noticed the light flashing from outside.

“It’s okay,” He murmured, “It’s not a bomb. It’s a weather warning.” He pointed through the window at the pole that the police must have put up. He recognised it from childhood days he’d spent in Wichita on one of his dad’s Captain America searches.

“What kind of weather?” James asked, staring through the glass and wincing when the alert grew louder, a blare of noise cutting through the otherwise peaceful forest around them.

Tony stepped toward it, noticing the rain that he’d seen before worsen, dark clouds covering the sun. An incursion was unlikely to occur in the same place twice but, like lightning, it was probably possible.

“Bad.” He answered, just as the wind kicked up and blew leaves and nests off of the trees, “Very bad weather.”

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay!! 
> 
> Also, Tony feels such a hard prod at only 19 weeks because of the serum. He's got a strong bubba.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, sorry about the wait!!
> 
> Please enjoy :D

.

“Bad.” He answered, just as the wind kicked up and blew leaves and nests off of the trees, “Very bad weather.”

Another siren’s wave blared and James reacted faster than he did this time, grabbing him from around the waist and hauling him back toward the dining table. They huddled beneath it, watching as trees were ripped from the ground by the suddenly ferocious wind.

“We can’t stay here!” Tony yelled over the noise, flinching when the windows shattered, “We need to as far from here as we can!”

James grabbed his shirt and wrapped it around Tony’s shoulders, urging him to put it on whilst he grabbed their pants as well. They stumbled to their feet, half-dressed, and ducked when a branch sailed through the room from outside.

Broken glass was everywhere and his shoes were in the bedroom, but when he tried to run and get them, James grabbed him, put his own boots on and lifted him into his arms instead.

“Wait – !”

“No time!” He snapped.

“Well how the hell are you going to run holding me?” Tony snapped back and James pushed him higher, using one arm to support him and the other to wrench the front door open. As though to prove a point, he ran effortlessly well and Tony clung to him, staring wide-eyed at the devastation that this storm was creating.

The hole in the lake seemed to be it’s epicentre and it was quickly filling with water from the rain. As he watched, the water began to bubble, steaming as though the ground was burning hot, before shooting upward and spiralling like a tornado, reaching the sky at an incredible speed. He was so focused on that bizarrity that he almost missed the lodge’s sofa flying toward them until it was practically on top.

“Look out!” Despite the vagueness of his warning, James dodged the sofa, but he must have lost his footing in the process because they tumbled down into the mud just as the downpour increased. Tony grunted as he fell, rolling away and staying crouched as leaves and dust flew around him like the beginnings of a hurricane.

James helped him to his feet and picked him up again, bracing against the wind until they reached a spot by the forest that seemed to be untouched by all that was happening. They sat together over the ground, finding a large log and hiding behind it. The water tornado was still upright and spinning ridiculously fast, it’s bottom inside the hole and it’s top hidden by the clouds. The sound it made reminded Tony of the scream a plane created when it was hit by turbulence. 

“You ever see anything like that?” James asked him, frowning.

“No,” Tony swallowed, “I’ve seen an incursion in person before but this never happened.”

“This place’d already been hit anyway, though, hadn’t it?”

“Yeah but they’ve never occurred twice in one place,” Biting his lip, he wished he hadn’t been naked when this had begun if only so he could have had his earpiece in at least, “If this is the next stage, every other hole could be hit again too.”

 _“Shit.”_ At first Tony thought that that was an emphatic reaction to his words but then he saw the tyres and ducked. James held him close as the car flew over them, crashing not too far from their hiding spot. Oil splashed around it as it’s tank smashed over the trees and they both looked at each other in panic.

“Go further in!” James pushed him toward the trees and they ran like crazy, branches snapping in their faces and rocks digging into Tony’s bare feet. A broken telephone pole landed near the car and it’s snapped wires flailed around until they struck the oil and ignited.

Tony felt himself leave the ground from the force of the explosion, wrapping his arms around his stomach as he fell in a heap. James hit a tree when he was propelled forward as well but he was up a second later, helping Tony up and moving them along.

Fire licked at the trees but the water spraying from the tornado put it out before it could start to spread too drastically and finally, when all they could see was forest, they found a ridge and gathered beneath it. The storm seemed to go on for hours after that until eventually, the sound of the wind and it’s force died down. They stayed put anyway, just in case, and James rubbed at Tony’s arms when he started to shiver.

“We gotta get you warm.” He held him close, running his hands up and down to try and generate some heat. Too exhausted to protest, Tony let him.

“I need – I’ve got to contact someone. Tell them this happened.”

“When you’re not close to getting pneumonia, sure.”

“The hospital’s a 30 minute drive.” Tony told him, “And my car just exploded.” He shook violently for a moment, the chill digging into his skin, “How did you get here?”

“Taxi.” James looked past him and around the trees, probably searching for the road, “I saw a main lodge further down on the way here. They have jeeps.”

Tony nodded, “I need my suit, first. It’s in the lodge.”

“We’re not – ”

“I’m not leaving it here where anyone could find it. If it’s destroyed, it’s destroyed, but I need to make sure.” Looking at him for a long while, James frowned, only to then visibly give up when he realised Tony would not back down over this.

“Fine.” He stood and bent down. “Hop on.” Tony scoffed and he looked back at him over his shoulder, “You want to run in the mud with no shoes on?”

Sighing, Tony climbed onto his back, feeling odd and out of control but knowing that James would never drop him. He held on tight the entire way back however, keeping his head down to avoid all low branches and so forth until they left the forest and saw open sky again.

The lodge was in total ruin when they arrived but as there was only the one floor and the roof was collapsed, there wasn’t any danger of anything falling on them inside. Tony grabbed his suitcase and opened it get his shoes out and pry them on. The outside was soaked through but mercifully, his clothes and so forth were untouched. His suit was still inside the buckled compartment and was untouched as well.

“You got it?” James slid into the room beside him, avoiding the broken wall that jut out a doorframe like an arrowhead.

“Yep. All accounted for.” He straightened to face him, “I can change out of these clothes too, get warm. No need for the hospital.”

James nodded, “You get dressed, I’ll call Steve.”

Around twenty minutes later, the both of them were walking down the path toward the main lodge. James had told Steve everything that had just happened, weather-wise, and now that the lodge was history they were getting an early flight home. Tony also left a message with the receptionist to tell Mr Porter not to approach his lodge and to instead file for insurance and stay somewhere safe.

He hoped he’d listen to _Tony Stark_ at least, even if he hadn’t listened to the warnings the first time.

They boarded Tony’s private jet once FRIDAY called it out for them and once safely aboard, Tony slumped over two seats with a sigh. James sat beside him and for a moment, Tony was sure he’d comment on the luxury of the plane, but then he visibly changed his mind and leant back in his seat instead.

“I think I’m cursed.” Tony spoke when the silence started to bite. James looked at him, “Every vacation I take ends in me getting attacked. I never even get one _day_ of relaxation.”

“Your maternity-leave counts as a vacation, doesn’t it?”

“Oh yeah, I’m going to be so relaxed with a swollen belly and constipation.” He sighed again, the adrenaline from the storm vanishing after their walk and drive here but there was still a sense of urgency in him that he needed to get this sorted. If other incursion sites were in danger of being effected like this one, the Avengers had to act.

They had to keep people safe, especially if that girl from Poland was dead like he assumed she was – he was not going to let there be a death count of more than one with these events.

As he sat there, the sky they flew through looked much clearer than it had been during the storm and the clouds looked close enough to touch. He ached to fly through them but had only brought his suit with him for emergencies and for an absolute last resort. His bump would fit in it for now but he hadn’t wanted to risk it unless it was life-or-death.  

Sailing through the clouds didn’t count, however much he wanted it to. Reaching out, he lowered the blinds to block out the view, and felt James shift beside him, reminding him that they still had an unfinished conversation to get through.

Instead of what he thought would be said however, James reminded him of something else.

“You told me you were shot, once.” He murmured and Tony looked at him, blinking, “In the stomach. … and that you needed cryo because of it.”

It wasn’t a pleasant memory but he supposed he had worse to talk about, “Cryo kept me alive long enough for Helen to get there, yeah.”

James nodded, slowly, “Who shot you?”

“Why?” Sitting up a little straighter, Tony turned until his back was against the window and he could prop his feet up, laying them over James’ lap, “He’s dead.”

James placed a hand over his ankles, “By you?”

“By his own idiocy.” His skin tingled wherever James touched, “He shot me to get his hands on the Chitauri weapons I was transporting into a vault. Used it to make his own weapon and had it explode in his face. Literally.”

James nodded, leaning down until his lips were centimetres away from Tony’s stomach, “Good.” He murmured, pressing a kiss to it softly. Tony swallowed, watching him, and he waited to react as he wasn’t even sure what that meant.

There were a different theoretical reasons for kissing him there and he didn’t want to assume. It could have been because that that been where he’d been shot, it could be because of the baby, or just simply because it was where James could reach at the moment.

He got his answer when James pushed his feet off of his lap then and pulled him upright, gathering him into his arms and kissing him hard. Tony kissed him back instinctively, putting his hands through James’ hair and holding on tight. He slid forward, putting his legs either side of James’ and pressing their chests together, tilting his head back when kisses left his lips and were mouthed over his neck.

“Wait.” He gasped, his eyes flickering shut, “Wait, stop.” James did, sitting back and looking up at him, “I don’t want to – I mean I _want_ to, but – we shouldn’t. Not until we know what this is.”

James blinked, “The incursions?”

“No lunkhead. Us.” Still sitting over him, Tony put his hands over James’ shoulders and met his gaze, “You said you’d be willing to test B.A.R.F’s effectiveness on you.”

Nodding, James said softly, “I did.”

“And if it proves to be? Effective? What then?”

Lifting up a hand, James used it to push some of Tony’s hair back from his face, his own face softer than he’d ever seen it, “If it works? … then I want.” He let out a breath, “I want to try. What you said before. About family.” He leant forward and pressed his forehead against Tony’s collarbone, “I’ve never had, I – I want to try.”

Holding him there, Tony lay his hands on the back of his neck, lowering his own head to rest on James’.

“Me too.” He whispered.

They stayed sat so close together for the rest of the journey, dozing in their seats, until eventually FRIDAY called for them to put their belts on and brace for landing. Natasha and Rhodey were by the pad to meet them and Rhodey dodged the luggage staff to make a beeline for him straight away.

“Tony,” He took his hand, checking him over, “You okay? Barnes said a hurricane hit the lodge.”

“Not a hurricane exactly,” Tony corrected, “But – yeah. Pretty much.” He smiled, “I’m fine though.”

“He should get checked out,” James added, “We were outdoors in the rain for over an hour.”

“I’m fine.” Tony insisted again but now that Rhodey had a little more information, it was useless. “Alright, whatever. I’ll go for a check-up. But it’s for the baby’s sake, not mine.”

“As long as you go.”

Natasha met with them then, looking tense and uncertain, “Steve’s on his way back from Poland.” She said, “They found the girl.”

From the tone of her voice, it wasn’t good news, “Dead?” Tony asked but she shook her head, opening her mouth to explain but the sound of the Quinjet landing cut her off.

Rogers landed in the compound directly, which probably meant a briefing, and though he’d promised a check-up, Tony knew he needed to be there. Luckily Helen was understanding and took the BP pumps and anything else she needed into the meeting room with them.

Tony gave his arm up for her to check his blood pressure, all the while listening avidly to Rogers talk about his mission. Apparently they’d found the girl in less than an hour but she didn’t seem to have any memory of the incursion or even of the argument she’d apparently had with her family beforehand.

At first, they’d assumed it might have been memory loss or trauma, but then they’d learnt that her birth mark was gone as well and that she was behaving strangely. Her parents were treated formally at best and coldly at worst and her boyfriend was utterly ignored. Neither party had been happy with this and had asked the Avengers for explanations.

Obviously they had none at the moment but this was interesting nonetheless.

Afterward, Tony and James told their own tale between them and Tony described the water tornado as scientifically as he could but honestly, he’d never seen a phenomenon like it. As he spoke, Helen interrupted only once to say, ‘heartbeat’s pretty strong’ and he’d paused and looked down at her with a smile, before continuing.

To their credit, the rest of the team ignored the baby-in-the-room pretty professionally.

“So what we know now is,” Rogers summarised, “That a young woman was in the middle of an incursion and has changed physically and mentally because of it. And that an incursion site is still dangerous because one of these ‘water-tornados’ might appear in all of them too.”

“And that there’s no warning for a second storm,” Tony added, “No temperature change at all. The only warning we got was the Siren-wail and that gave us literally a minute to react.”

“Okay,” Rogers nodded, “So we need to first contact every country the incursions occurred in and issue a warning to keep away until further notice. We can – ”

“We can’t warn them ourselves; the Accord committee has to sanction it.”

“Okay, then ask them.” Narrowing his eyes at him, Tony leant back a little in his seat, until Rogers added, “Please.”

“Yeah no problem.” With that decided, they disbanded and Tony accepted Helen’s help in standing.

“You need to rest.” She told him, “And have a proper ultrasound by an actual midwife.”

“I’ve got one now actually,” Tony said, “Pepper and I discussed it and he’s apparently an ‘awarded’ midwife.”

“Awarded?” Helen raised an eyebrow.

“I know. I didn’t even know midwifing got awards,” He shrugged, “I’ll call him now and get him here. Best way to get a new client is to jump right in, right?”

“No.”

“Ah well.”

.

James didn’t leave his side after the meeting’s end, which was quite the contrast to his behaviour these past few weeks and to how alone in this Tony had gotten used to feeling. Pepper didn’t live in the compound and Rhodey had been overseas for a while. Now however, he had three alphas by his bedside and an omega midwife unpacking the state-of-the-art ultrasound Tony had ordered about a month ago.

Pepper took the opportunity of their wait to make a few calls and Rhodey stole the only seat, watching as James stood at Tony’s other side with his arms folded across his chest, glaring at the midwife as though he was a spy sent to kill them.

“Stop it,” Tony poked him in the ribs, “You’re scaring him.”

“Oh,” The midwife looked up, his badge reading ‘Nathan Gruell’, “No it’s okay, I’m fine. I’m used to protective alphas don’t worry.” He smiled, “It’s the jealous and pregnant _omegas_ I tend to get wary of.”

“Well you’re free to flirt all you want, if it’s how you work,” Tony told him, pressing his lips together when James gave him a look, “I’m _joking._ And I meant with Rhodey anyway.”

“Thanks,” Rhodey muttered, “Like I didn’t have a big sign saying ‘single’ on my head as it was.”

Respectively ignoring that, Nathan went around to pull Tony’s shirt up, “Hold this up for me.” He said, holding the hem up for Tony to grab and hold.

Pepper ended her call then and came to stand behind Rhodey, watching as Nathan set the machine up and rolled some jelly over Tony’s stomach. His bump was a little more pronounced now, probably because he wasn’t actively hiding it, and he didn’t think his skin was smoother anywhere else but his stomach.

Beneath it and around it however were plenty of stretch marks. He grimaced when he noticed them.

“Perfectly natural, don’t worry,” Nathan assured him, pulling the screen toward him, “Now. How desperate do you need to pee right now?”

“Bursting.” Tony admitted, having drunk two litres of sugar-water beforehand.

“Great.” He pressed the wand into his stomach and immediately, Tony held back the urge to just let his bladder go from the pressure he applied. He pressed his lips together, keeping his legs spread over the hospital bed and staring at the screen when blurs of grey and black appeared within it.

Nathan lowered the wand with a frown of concentration and Tony bit his lip, trying hard to hold his pee in and not embarrass himself, and it took all of his focus to stay that way that he barely noticed when the machine was switched off.

“Hey,” He blinked, turning, “I didn’t see.”

“Nothing _to_ see I’m afraid. There’s not a lot of visibility, right now,” Nathan told him, “I’m going to advise that you drink a little more and we try again in an hour.”

Tony let his head fall back, “You gotta be kidding me.”

“Afraid not.” He looked at the others, “Who wants to go get another full litre for him?”

“I’ll go,” Pepper said, “I’ve got a meeting in half an hour so I might have to miss this anyway,” She bent and pressed a kiss to his forehead, “But I want to see the picture afterwards.” She glanced up, “There – will be a picture, won’t there? Because otherwise, I can cancel – ”

“There’s a picture at the end, Miss Potts, not to worry. As many copies as Mr Stark wants.”

Relieved, she said her goodbyes and left quickly, calling someone as she went. Tony rolled his head around to face Rhodey then, smiling.

“What?” Rhodey asked when he noticed.

“You can go too,” He said, “I relieve you.”

“Relieve me?” He rolled his eyes, “I’m not – ”

“Rhodey, I love you, but I know when you’re uncomfortable.” He gestured to his bare stomach, “And I’m not exactly decent right now.”

“I’ve seen you _fully_ naked plenty of times,” Rhodey countered.

“Only briefly.” Tony said, “And not happily. You really want to be here for discussions of birthing and shit?”

Looking at him, Rhodey frowned for a while before shaking his head and standing, “Yeah no, I’m good. Send me a picture too, yeah?”

“No I thought I’d keep them locked up. Pay-per-view only.”

Once he was gone, Tony relaxed a little, having felt somewhat awkward with his pregnancy so on show. James took the seat Rhodey left and tilted his head at him, “Want me to go too?”

He looked at him, “No. You stay. It’s your baby as well.”

“I’m not the one pregnant.” James said, “If you want me to go, I’ll go. Just tell me.”

“You really like being told what to do, don’t you,” Tony said teasingly, fully prepared to make a sexual joke about that before he realised what he’d said, “Shit. I didn’t mean – ”

James was smiling however, “This is why you’re not my only therapist.” He said and Tony relaxed, feeling stupid at his slip but glad James could see that he hadn’t meant anything by it.

“I’m not even your _therapist_ at all.” He corrected, “I just let you vent sometimes.” He shifted over the bed, getting closer to him, “But in answer to before, honestly? I do want you to stay. You can hold my hand and make sure I don’t pee everywhere.”

Nathan snorted where he was ‘busying’ himself with keeping his hands clean, “Sorry,” He said, “I was trying not to eavesdrop.”

A moment later, they heard Pepper’s heels over the corridor outside and she came in, handed Tony a glass of water and left with a small wave in their direction. Not for the first time, Tony was glad she’d taken over so much of the CEO role for him as she did it so brilliantly and it gave him a much lighter load at times as well.

“Drink up, Mr Stark,” Nathan ordered when he started to zone out and he scowled, sitting up a little straighter and lifting the glass up.

He gulped the water down, ignoring the weight that it seemed to settle in his stomach and how his body clearly rejected having so much more liquid shoved into it when it was already full. He drank it anyway, ignoring his discomfort, and then used his tablet to email the Accords committee with regards to issuing warnings for other countries.

James tapped a beat over his knuckles as he typed one-handed, the tablet propped over his bent knees, and then finally Nathan put some more jelly over his stomach and pressed the wand in again.

“Oh God.” Tony bit the inside of his cheeks, the pressure building with each roll of the damn thing over his skin, and he counted down from 1000 in his head to distract himself. “Please say you can see.”

“I can.” Nathan said, softly, and Tony looked at the screen. Most of it was still black but at its centre was a hammock-shaped grey smudge that had something small and round above it. He stared, his heart pounding.

“What’s – ?”

“This is your baby’s head.” Pointing at the screen, Nathan placed a finger around the round spot above the hammock, “And this is their heartbeat.” He tilted the second screen toward them, showing the ECG running and rising with each beat of their baby’s heart.

“Oh.” Tony swallowed, his bladder totally forgotten now, and he stared, “That’s – ?” He smiled, looking at James to make sure he was looking as well.

“It looks transparent.” James commented; his words blunt though he seemed in awe so Tony forgave him.

“It essentially is,” Nathan said, “Your baby’s skin is very thin at this stage but now you’ve passed 19 weeks, it’ll start to develop a lot faster. Soon you’ll see the head a little clearer and maybe even some fingers.”

“Maybe?” Tony checked, “It’s not definite that it’ll have fingers?”

“Oh no, it is definite,” Nathan clarified quickly, not at all patronising despite the ridiculous question, “But it’s not always visible so soon.”

“Oh.” Tony relaxed, feeling stupid but another glance at his baby on the screen trumped that feeling, “That’s good.”

“I’ll print out four copies for you, okay,” Nathan said, turning back to the machine.

“No.” Tony stopped him, “Seven please.”

“Seven?” James glanced at him but he didn’t answer and after a moment, Nathan nodded.

“Okay,” He turned, printing them out onto tiny squares of shiny photo-paper. James took his slowly, looking down at the picture like it held the secrets to life itself and when Tony got all of the other copies, he reacted to them in much the same way.

Once the machine was packed up and his stomach was wiped of excess jelly, he stood and pulled his shirt down, saying goodbye to Nathan and promising a check-up in 5 weeks time.

On their way down to the communal area, Tony put three of the copies in his bedroom to pass on to Pepper, Rhodey and Happy when he saw them. He saved his and scanned it into the network via FRIDAY, ensuring a copy of it was always with him if he wanted it to be.

The physical copy was tucked into his wallet and once they stepped out from the hallway, he wasn’t surprised to see Rogers standing in wait for them. both

“Bucky! Hey. Tony.” He looked at them both, “How are – things? The baby?”

“Fine,” Tony let him know, still giddy from having seen how real this entire thing was now, and refusing to let his mood go down, “All okay.”

“Good.” He really did seem relieved, “We were worried.” He gestured behind him, to Natasha and Clint.

“Yeah. Well.” Tony shrugged, “There’s no need.” As he stood there, his tablet chimed and he glanced down, reading, “The committee’s ruled that calling for an evacuation of incursion areas is a priority and approves us warning them.”

Rogers straightened, his eyes flickering with disappointment at being denied baby-talk but he hid it behind his ‘avenging’ face, “Then we’ll get onto it.” He glanced at Bucky and was ignored; his hurt again evident, “I – uh. Could you look into Dorota Bubak’s medical file? Her parents sent it to us after we took her to the hospital.”

“Dorota the girl who was missing?” Tony checked and Rogers nodded, “Okay. But I’m not a doctor. A medical one anyway.  So I don’t know what I can – ”

“I just want you to see if we missed anything.” Rogers clarified, “You’re good at that.”

Ignoring the attempt at flattery, Tony just nodded, “Yeah okay. I’ll see what I find.” He looked at James then, wordlessly dismissing Rogers from their conversation. After a moment of hesitation, he got the hint and stepped aside, walking past them. “You want to test B.A.R.F now or later?”

“Later.” He said, leaning down. For a moment, Tony panicked, suddenly sure that their relationship was unknown and a secret but then he remembered the disaster of a breakfast and knew that everyone was aware.

Still, he felt slightly self-conscious as he accepted James’ kiss, rising to his toes and smiling into it despite the nervousness he felt. He was flushed afterwards though, he knew, and he hated it.

Why the hell did he care what anyone else thought? He rolled his eyes at himself and faced the communal area again. Natasha wasn’t looking at them anyway and was writing a report over the desk, with pen and paper for some bizarre reason, but Clint was watching them like a sportsman watched the game.

Tony gave him a look to which he was just shrugged at, “I’ll meet you in the lab,” He said to James before inclining his head to one side, in a gesture that let Clint know he wanted to talk.

They stepped into one of the meeting rooms and he shut the door, taking out one of the copies of his ultrasound. “Here.” He handed it over.

Clint took it, looking bemused, before realising what it was and staring, “… oh wow.” He glanced up and then back down at it, “I missed Laura’s first trimester every time, I never saw them like this,” He admitted, “It’s _tiny.”_

Tony swallowed past a suddenly dry throat, “I thought you’d like one. To keep.” Clint looked at him, surprised, so he added, “To remind you of your promise?”

“Right,” Nodding, smiling too, Clint held the photo close, “To be better. Yeah.” He lowered his eyes for a moment, before gesturing toward the outside, “Anyone else get one?”

“Rhodey and Pepper. And Happy.” Tony said, “And James and I obviously.”

“James.” Clint murmured to himself, smirking a little.

“And now for you.”

“Well thanks.” He said it mockingly but Tony knew that there was a genuinity within that, “I’ll pin it to my wall.”

He grinned, “If you find space beside your Magic Mike posters, go for it.”

 

.

 

Despite having two tasks due, Tony took a nap first until he felt less like a walking-zombie and more like a, well more like a more-awake-zombie at least. He pulled up the file on Poland that Rogers had forwarded to him and read through everything listed, even if he’d already seen it, before going to the file on the girl.

It was pretty detailed.

Dorota Bubak was blonde and pale-skinned, had a juvie record for shoplifting and owned two cars with her parents as secondary drivers.

She’d been missing since the incursion but had been found in good health by the hospital. Remarkable health in fact. She’d broken a bone at age 15 and it hadn’t set properly but that was now all okay, along with the disappearance of her birth mark and acne. It was as though the incursion had ‘fixed’ her.

He frowned, reading through the material. Each incursion began with a temperature drop, a white blast and then an earthquake. Dorota was, so far, the only anomaly they were aware of but not the only injured party. No deaths, however. At all.

Which, considering the earthquakes and lack of warning, that was pretty surprising. Unless these events weren’t here to hurt the Earth.

He sat back in his seat, “Friday, bring up images of before-and-after incursion sites.”

“Before and after what boss?”

“Before any Avengers visited them and after they’d left.”

One by one, Friday brought up the images for him to see and he frowned, seeing a difference so clear he felt stupid for not seeing it the first time. Though, in all fairness, this was the first time he’d thought to compare the two periods of time.

He checked through every one more than once, however, fully focused, before saying, “Call Rogers down here.”

Rogers came down a minute later, stepping into the lab and immediately honing in on the images on screen, “What’ve you found?”

“Take a look,” Tony gestured, pulling Poland’s images up closer first of all, “This is just after the incursion occurred, and this is after we finished with clearing the aftermath.”

Rogers glanced between them, “And what am I looking at?”

“It’s not obvious?” Tony asked, raising an eyebrow, and though he wasn’t being sarcastic he earned a look. He expanded the images, “How ‘bout now?”

Rogers frowned, his eyes clearing when he must have finally seen what Tony had, “Is this the same for all of them?”

“Each site has shown a significant change in undergrowth. Trees, plants, whatever nature provides, has grown faster than it ever should have. I doubt it’s noticeable without the comparison though, which is probably why it’s not come up yet.”

“Why did _you_ think to check?”

“Dorota Bubak,” He pulled her screen toward them, “Everything in her medical file suggested advanced cell growth and mutation. It explains her change in personality too, if the synapses in her brain have been changed, she probably views the world a little differently.”

Rogers’ frown deepened, “Why only her?”

“I’m assuming it’s because she was caught right in the middle of one. Plus,” On a hunch, he hacked into the Haiti medical facility that the previous victims of frostbite had been sent to and found reports of their skin healing much faster than normal, “She’s not the only one.”

“Okay. So these incursions are changing things then. Mutating them.”

“Looks that way. The only questions now is why.”

“And what’s causing them.”

“Yeah that too, but that’ll probably come after the ‘why’.” Folding his arms across his chest, Tony frowned as well, “Whatever is doing this is doing it for a reason and with this now, I doubt it’s mother nature herself. This feels engineered.”

“And that white flash,” Rogers agreed, “That looked unnatural when I saw it.” He straightened, “Okay. That’s more than we knew before. Do we know if this will effect those victims any more than they’ve already been?”

“Without scanning them, I haven’t a clue.” He shrugged, “I doubt it though, anything beyond simple cell mutation would have made the news and Friday would have alerted me.”

“Okay. In that case keep digging anyway and see if you can find out what has enough power to be causing this. And why.”

“Sure. I have a – thing, with James right now, but this has been on my list to crack anyway. Anything else I find; I’ll make a report.”

Nodding, Rogers smiled, “Good.” With that done, Tony turned away, wordlessly dismissing him but this time he didn’t get the hint. Or he did, but just ignored it, “Is this ‘thing’ to do with the baby?”

“No.”

“Oh. Uh. … B.A.R.F then?”

“This ‘thing’ is a ‘thing’ because the ‘thing’s’ not your business and I called it a ‘thing’ to keep it that way.” Tony said, “I get confidentiality isn’t your forte but you could at least try to understand how it works occasionally.”

Rogers looked at him, silently, for a while before sighing, “Yeah. Okay. I’m, uh. I’m just glad you’re still helping Bucky with all this.”

Tony stopped, “Why would I stop?” He looked at Rogers and was gratified to see a flicker of fear at having said the wrong thing in his eyes, “You honestly think I’d cancel B.A.R.F appointments out of pettiness towards _you?”_

“No Tony. I don’t think that.” Rogers said, looking and sounding so damn sad, “I’m just trying to talk.”

“Well don’t.” Tony snapped, “I have nothing to say to you. I have nothing _in_ me for you.”

“Tony – ”

“Leave it.” He snatched his hand back when Rogers tried to reach for it, “I don’t know what you want from me, okay – ”

“What I _want_ from you? Tony, I just want us to be how we were. Before all this. When we trusted each other – ”

“No. Stop. We never trusted each other.” Tony glared at him, “I trusted you, it was never the other way around and don’t you dare try to say it was. You never trusted me.”

“I trusted you with a lot more than you think.”

Tony scoffed, “Right. Yeah. And yet you trusted Wanda over me, when you barely even knew her. You’ll trust anyone over me and only tell me things when it’s convenient to _you!”_  He shook his head, “That’s not trust. That’s abusing someone who believes in you.”

Rogers stiffened, “I’ve done wrong. I understand that. But don’t try to dig the knife in further by saying you believed in me Tony. You went against every decision I’ve ever made, you violate the rules, you refuse to – no. I’m not doing this.”

“Doing what? Remembering why you don’t trust me?”

“I’d have trusted you more if you’d given me more of you.”

“I gave you all I _had_ of me,” Tony shouted at him, “I gave you everything, I gave this _team_ my all, and you slammed that back in my face and then just kept beating that in. I trusted you Rogers, I really did, but I’m telling you now, I’ll never make that mistake again.” He turned away, “We are not friends. And we never will be, again.”

Rogers continued to stare at him before finally just nodding to himself slowly and turning away, “I understand. But I want you to know – I’m not going to stop. I’ll do whatever it takes to win back your trust, Tony.” He reached into his pocket and put something down over the desk, “Whatever it takes.”

With that, he left the lab. Tony blinked until his eyes didn’t feel so warm and ignored the urge to grab whatever it was that he’d left behind, struggling to focus on his screens instead. He took a few deep breaths to calm down, closing his eyes for a moment, and then he couldn’t resist looking anymore.

He glanced down and saw that it was a simple piece of paper, with a time and date written over it and the words ‘video-link’ beneath them. He picked it up, turning it over in his hands. Despite himself, he had absolutely no idea what it would be for and his curiosity was at it’s peak now.

There were only a few rooms he could think of that Rogers could mean for him to watch the surveillance tapes of and, as everyone knew about the baby now, he doubted it was the meeting rooms. That left the cryo-chamber.

“Friday, scan this in and input to video, room 142a.” He held the paper up for the AI to see and waited until a surveillance clip appeared before him.

On screen was James, in his cryo tube, and Rogers was switching it off to wake him up early. He blinked, realising that this was the moment James had been told about the baby and that Rogers had remembered the time and day he’d told him. He obviously hadn’t watched the video himself though, because according to the runoff there was about 10 minutes of him trying to figure out how to wake James up without altering anyone else.

Tony swallowed, his hand poised by the ‘play’ icon as he struggled to decide whether he should watch this or not. If anything significant had happened, James would have told him, wouldn’t he? And was he betraying his trust by helping Rogers earn his in seeing what he probably assumed was a private moment?

Some part of him did want to see the reaction to the pregnancy however and Rogers, for all his faults, must have a reason in giving this to him. Something had been said and he needed to know.

Bracing himself, he sat back and pressed his lips together, forwarding the clip to the point James finally woke up.

His heart pounding, he pressed ‘play’.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've realised that I like to make up words ... and if Shakespeare could do it, then why the hell not?


End file.
